“I FEEL A DRAFT!” And Other Charms of Aging

In the final, dwindling weeks before my 30th birthday nearly two years ago, my mother took sick pleasure in reminding me – over and over again – how difficult it was for her to handle turning 30. “I took it really hard,” she said, in a tone usually reserved for funeral homes/cemeteries/script readings for Telemundo novelas.”It took me months to get over it. I felt so old. I couldn’t believe I was thirty.”

“Treinta? NO! NO! No puedo ser tan viejo!”

[By the way, doing a Google image search on Telemundo novelas brings up a WHOLE LOTTA shirtless men. I'm just sayin'.]

M. Night Shameonyou

Responsible, home-owning adults that we are, Brad & I spent the bulk of the weekend indulging in the pleasures of spreading filthy, stinking mulch around the yard and pulling the weeds – OH HOLY SHIT, THE WEEDS – that grow and multiply so quickly, I can’t help but think that the cure for infertility must lie somewhere in their leafy little hearts.

STOP HAVING SEX IN MY YARD.

How Are You This Fine Motherf*ckin’ Morning?*

Well, I hope you are FANTASTIC, because I KNOW I AM. And no, there is absolutely no sarcasm in that last sentence. Or that one. I’m just happy and thankful about a great many things this morning.

Happy? Thankful? Not sarcastic? Does anyone else hear the clip-clop of fiery little hooves?

Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t Malignant?

Recently, glowy pregnant Leah over at A Boy and A Girl wrote about how grateful she was for the support system and friends she had found on the internet, and how wonderful the internet can be in the moments where it connects you with someone else who encourages, sympathizes, or just plain listens to you. And for all its faults (just watch an episode of “To Catch a Predator” and you’ll know what I mean), I have to admit that the internet is a pretty nifty thing, and that it’s been a mostly positive influence in my life. For example, I’ve noticed that ever since I’ve started blogging, I’ve been a much more chilled-out person about the things that bother me. It seems that if I can bitch about them here, some of the weight is taken off my mind, allowing me to focus on more important things, like laughing at Reporter O-Faces and Bud Light commercials, watching American Gladiator, and eating Babybel cheese.

Some seriously delicious shit.

I Would Gladly Go To Church…

…if all we had to do was dance with Stephen Colbert.

Seriously, this video makes me lose my shit every time. If I am in desperate need of a laugh, I know that this or the John Roberts series will do the trick.

“Lift up your voices!”

Summertime, and the Livin’ is Indoors

Much to the relief of my head and the oven, it seems the weather has finally turned the corner from chilly, soul-deadening rain with highs in the 50s to warm, skin-crisping sunshine with highs in the 80s.

Thank goodness I can finally stop spray-tanning.