Extra! Extra!

A headline from CNN.com this morning:

Film at eleven!

Cheers & Jeers: Fall Edition

So, the lovely Kristin over at Going Country got me thinking about the turn of the seasons (a.k.a. HOLY FUCK IT’S COLD IN MY HOUSE), and I decided to throw a little Cheers & Jeers action at you this fine motherfucking morning.

Progress

Well, thanks to the wildly unpredictable bursts of second trimester energy I occasionally experience (one hour of wide-awake productivity at 9am, followed by 6 hours of zombie-like exhaustion during which I have to give myself a pep talk to complete a thought/sentence/click of the mouse), there is a half-finished blog entry sitting in my drafts folder, just waiting to be completed. Me? I’m just over here, fantasizing about that donut I had in yesterday’s meeting.

I wanna…lick-lick-lick-lick you from your head to your toes…

And You Can Quote Me

When I was a moody and melodramatic teenager, I kept a journal. No, scratch that – I kept several journals. One was reserved for the details of my day-to-day life (mostly containing phrases like “I just want a fucking boyfriend!!” and rants about the unfairness of parents/school/friends/family/life/the Doppler effect/concept of gravity/anything and everything that crossed my path), and the others were filled with…quotes. Quotes and quotes and quotes. Quotes from movies, quotes from books, quotes from quote books, quotes from fortune cookies – I was practically harboring a goddamn Toastmaster’s anthology for the jaded young adult set.

I bet he doesn’t have ANYTHING from “The Crow.”

Banner Day!

So far today, I’ve:

• Woken up at 2:30am, struck with some kind of uncharacteristic insomnia that kept me up until 4am. Is this a pregnancy thing? What up, fetus? You’re not supposed to keep me up until after you are born. I thought we had a deal.
• Had a horrific nightmare that I was having a miscarriage; woke up in a complete and total panic.
• Sent Brad a happy birthday TEXT MESSAGE because he is currently in Eugene, Oregon because WORK SUCKS.
• Arrived late to work, even though the roads were traffic-free because everyone else is fucking OFF for Columbus Day.
• Received 3 irate emails from my boss because a call that was supposed to happen at 9:15am ET was actually scheduled for 9:15am PT; a mistake that was not mine but that the boss has made clear I will be receiving the blame for anyway.
• Contemplated becoming a street juggler for a living.
• Already eaten 75% of the food I brought to work today.

Internet, it is only 10am. I am afraid of the rest of the day.

Will probably take the blame for this, too.

Grody to the Maxx

Remember that phrase? If you’re near my age, you probably uttered it sometime in 2nd grade, right before pretending to stick your finger down your throat. The 80s were a strange time.

Anyway.

Holding Pattern

Internet, do you ever have those weeks when you spend 90% of your waking hours anticipating all the activities that will happen in the following weeks, resulting in complete and utter paralysis to get anything at all accomplished in the present moment? And then do you spend the remaining 10% shoving artificially-flavored butter pretzels and swedish fish into your mouth in a futile attempt to stabilize your constantly-plummeting blood sugar?

No? Just me? Okay then.

Basket Case

OK, so FIRST OF ALL, I want to thank commenter BobTheShrew for providing me with the clip of my beloved Samuel L. Jackson MTV Movie Awards commercial that I referenced in this post. Please go to the comments of that post & click on the link, for it is sheer brilliance (it’s totally SFW, but with all the bad-word bleeping, it will sound like you’re watching an episode of Deadwood).

Fine Purveyor of Cocksuckers since 1870.