Sadie’s Birth Story: Part 2

Greetings from Week Three, the week in which my daughter decided she’d be all big and lose her umbilical cord stump (WAH), and then proceeded to hold her head up all on her own.

Right after this, she ordered a cosmopolitan and argued with her father about politics.

Sadie’s Birth Story: Part 1

We just got back from our 2-week (TWO WEEK?!) pediatrician visit, and learned that the shorty is indeed thriving on her All Boob Diet. She’s gained ten ounces in a week, and while I’m sure that’s totally ordinary, I feel an absolutely inappropriate amount of pride that Sadie is a weight-gaining superstar. Of course, weight gain = SHE’S GROWING UP OH NOOOOO! but knowing that it’s my body that’s been sustaining her since she arrived makes it somehow better. I mean, it’s not like her being underweight would keep her a smooshy little newborn forever.

And what would I eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I didn’t have those cheeks to nom nom nom on?

What A Difference A Week Makes

Internet! You do not know how long I’ve waited to update you! But between my busy schedule of VISITORS! DIAPERS! ATTEMPTS AT HYGEINE! and BOOBS BOOBS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS! I have not really had a minute to spare.

(Because most spare moments have been spent staring at this face.)

Still Here! More Soon!

Internet! We are all doing great (if a little sleep-deprived) here at JT headquarters…I’m working on a few longer posts & wanted to finish one up tonight, but the siren song of a nap while the little pigeon is sleeping is too strong for me to resist. I can’t wait to tell you all about the craziness of the past week…but pretty much everything I have to say pales in comparison to this:

My heart: officially almost as full as my breasts. Which are huge.

Sadie Rose

Oh, Internet. She’s here. What did I ever do without her?

About 20 minutes after she was born, taking in the crazy lady who has been feeding her ice cream and burritos for the past 9 months.

Sadie Rose was born on 4/11/09 at 6pm on the dot, and was 7 lbs 9 oz, 20.5 inches long, and absolutely perfect. I cannot wait to share her whole birth story with you. It was amazing, fun, a little scary, empowering, and painful in all the best ways possible.

Sadie, your mama is a jackass. And – as she predicted – after this photo was taken, her contractions immediately started getting hellacious to teach her a lesson about making jokes in the delivery room.

This is the first opportunity I’ve had to get on the computer and check my blog/Flickr/email, and all of your lovely comments just sent me into another (ANOTHER!) hormonally-charged weepfest over my keyboard. Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over. I want to reach through the screen and hug all of you (although you’d probably have to change your shirt afterwards).

Just to give you a quick recap of how it went until I have time to elaborate:

• Water broke at 11:50pm
• Got to hospital around 2am
• Triage nurse was a total, raging bitch of a woman
• FINALLY got into L&D room at 6am
• Contractions not progressing much on their own; got Pitocin at 11am
• Now those are some contractions!
• I soldier through contractions & increasing Pitocin until 2pm.
• I’m only 3-4 cm dilated but I cry uncle and get the epidural at 2:30pm. I always planned to get an epidural if need be, but I was hoping to hold out until I was dilated further. I’m a little disappointed in myself, but I don’t dwell on this for long because OMG FUCKING EPIDURAL WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
• I nap until 4:30pm. According to the monitor, my contractions have spaced apart further than they were earlier. I’m upset because I think I could have kept labor going at a faster clip if I had forgone epidural longer, but I know I would never be able to push if I hadn’t gotten some relief and rest.
• My blood pressure is really low. Brad looks worried.
• Midwife comes in at 4:50pm and asks if I want her to check my progress. I say sure, but I am convinced I’m probably still at around 4cm.
• She barely gets two seconds into the brewster check before saying, “Oh, wow – your baby is RIGHT THERE. You’re complete and ready to push!”
• I immediately get the excited anxiety shakes. The midwife and nurse get set up for delivery.
• I start pushing at 5pm. At the risk of sounding batshit crazy, I really like pushing. It’s challenging, and I like feeling as though I am actively working to bring this baby into the world. Let’s face it: up until this point, all I’d done is had sex, eaten burgers and gotten huge.
• I can feel the pressure of the baby’s head getting closer to the outside world. Weirdest/coolest fucking sensation I’ve ever experienced.
• The midwife tells me to lean back and give a final push. The head comes out. I feel her ears and nose pass through, and then what I thought were shoulders but I learn later was an elbow.
• Sadie is born at exactly 6pm on the dot. Her eyes are wide open, and she lets out a small squeal, and then a rousing chorus of cries. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard in my life.
• They place her on my stomach. I’m a weeping fool. Brad cuts the cord. We’re a family.

The past few days have been a whirlwind of family, friends, nurses, hormonally-charged crying jags (“I love her soooo mu-hu-hu-hu-huuuuuuuch!”), diapers, breastfeeding (it’s working! Way to earn your keep, boobs!), and hours upon hours spent staring at our new baby girl.

Can you blame us?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

More to come, Internet. My mom is here this week cooking & cleaning and being a doting grandma. I’m trying to get better about not hogging the baby & letting Mom have her share of warm-baby-head-nuzzling, and I’ll update again when I can.

Thanks, you guys. Once again, my cup runneth over.

And over, and over, and over.

You Serious, Clark?

First things first: I hope you all recognize the title to this post, because that is truly one of the most inspired movies of all time.

Secondly: My water broke about an hour ago – A MERE THREE HOURS after I was in a very crowded public restaurant where I could have made a scene and possibly gotten free dessert. The contractions have been coming every 6 or 7 minutes for about 3 hours, and don’t suck too bad yet. And yes, Eddie, I am serious: I WILL HAVE A BABY SOON OH MY HOLY FUCKING SHIT ON A STICK.

I will update as soon as I can – on Twitter before the blog, most likely. If my feed is down, just visit Twitter.com/JiveTurkey.

Holy shit. This is it. See you on the other side.

Update

Baby’s heartrate: Perfect (whew).

Me: Almost 2cm dilated, still 50% effaced, baby at pelvic station 0, weight stabilized, blood pressure up, had midwife strip my membranes (God, that sounds disgusting; please Google it so I don’t have to explain), scheduled a couple more membrane-strippings (EW) for early next week and an induction for next Friday just in case, trying to remember at what point I became totally comfortable talking about my brewster on the internet, WILL BE HAVING A BABY BY THIS TIME NEXT WEEK OR EARLIER, SO HELP ME GOD, AMEN, PEACE BE WITH YOU, CLASS DISMISSED.

Also going to dinner with friends tonight, because I am determined to have a sitcom-worthy public water-breaking moment. Perhaps I can also give birth in a cab while stuck in a parade? Only time will tell.

The Big 4-1

Me: Large, uncomfortable, righteously pissed off after an entire day of painful contractions came to a screeching halt at 6pm last night, officially 41 weeks pregnant.

Fetus: Just fine where she is, thanks.

I hope she remembers to bring that flashlight out with her.

Let’s Try NOT Talking About It

Can’t hurt, right? I mean, I’ve tried just about everything else to get things moving (and as of today, my most recent hope is that the full moon tonight will somehow have an effect), so let’s just IGNORE it, shall we? Maybe labor will get pissed off and start, just to get my attention. I did have some pretty painful contractions for a few hours early this morning, as well as a decent amount of pain and pressure last night during our very moody and sparkly viewing of “Twilight.”

I’ve heard multiple rumors that Robert Pattinson has terrible B.O., and imagining this actually added a lot to my viewing experience.

Hello Again

Still pregnant, Internet. I promise I’m not just making this up to increase page views on my blog while I sit here with a 3-week-old infant in my arms, laughing at everyone’s expense. I kind of feel like I’m doing that thing that TV shows do: draaaagging out plot lines and stretching them further and further so that you have to tune in next week, even though you know full well the couple who has been flirting for three seasons still won’t end up together, but what the hell else are you going to do with your Thursday nights?

Let’s face it: Thursday nights haven’t been the same since retina-searing sweaters left the scene.