Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

July 13, 2007 at 3:34 pm 1 comment

My husband B told me today about an email signature he saw that read:

“When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in peoples’ eyes.”

It was attributed to Fred Rogers. Call me crazy, but I think that is a misquote.

But since it’s fun to falsely attribute quotes to one of America’s most beloved cultural icons*, here are some others me, B and our sick, sick friends came up with:

“If at first you don’t succeed, just blame someone who is a different color than you.”

“It’s always good to have a sober buddy around when you’re trying ecstasy the first time.”

“Fred Rogers will kill a snitch.”

“Remember kids: when you got two pairs of shoes, the cops can’t find you by your footprints!”

“Like my new cardigan? It’s 100 percent Bob Dog fur.”

“Jeremy, your HAIR is SOOO freakin’ SOFT!”

“I’d totally hit that.”

“Puff-puff GIVE! Puff-puff GIVE!”

“Hear that snap? That’s how you ensure a clean break.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to say you’re sorry. Especially when you’re apologizing to your bitch wife Linda.”

“The Land of Make Believe will burst into flames if you tell anyone what happened on our field trip to that bookstore that’s just for mommies and daddies.”

“It’s OK to feel sad. Especially when your special friend LeRoy decides to move back in with his wife.”

“…fortunately, Picture Picture has a false bottom for just such an occasion.”

*Alright, before you leave me hateful comments (which isn’t likely, since no one reads this blog), let me just state for the record that I LOVE Mr. Rogers, I watched him all the time growing up, I had his autograph, and I cried when he died. He was a great man. So get off my damn back.

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Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.

Open Letter to the Cleaning Lady Who Gives Me Only a Blank Stare in Response to My Friendly Greetings “Damn you, Scuba Steve!” is my second favorite

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Fred Rogers  |  July 13, 2007 at 7:43 pm

    I totally just crawled out of my grave and am on my way to kill you now.

    Reply

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