Love, Thy Name is Guttenberg

August 1, 2007 at 1:30 pm 5 comments

My friend Bird was telling me about how she Googled an actor she used to have a crush on, just to see what he looked like now. She was…unpleasantly surprised, and also embarrassed that her younger self had pined for this guy who – through adult eyes – seems pretty much like a huge tool.

Because she is my friend and I love her, I laughed at her embarrassment. Then – to make up for it – I decided to remind her of a particularly shameful crush I harbored when I was in 4th grade. The object of my affection? Steve Guttenberg. I saw him in Three Men & A Baby, and well…the rest is excruciatingly lame history.  I decided to email Bird a picture of my hunka-hunka-burnin’ Steve – since Bird had provided me with the same courtesy when sharing her former crush. I did a quick Google image search for “Steve Guttenberg,” and this was one of the very first pictures that came up:


Holy Mother of God. MY EYES!!!

I think this goes to show that 4th grade girls have horrible taste in men. Although if I had seen this picture when I was 10 years old, I’m pretty sure I could have skipped Sex Ed in 5th grade. What, is he smuggling kiwi fruit in there? Good Lord, Steve, put it away.


Entry filed under: And you KNOW THIS!.

Bully For You 10 Things I Hate About Me

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Husband of Said Turkey  |  August 1, 2007 at 1:44 pm

    Good Lord! I just vomited in my own shiny wet suit.

    And who was Bird’s crush?

  • 2. jiveturkey  |  August 1, 2007 at 2:03 pm

    I’ll leave that up to Bird to share…

  • 3. Friend/Colleague/Alibi of Said Turkey  |  August 3, 2007 at 6:10 pm

    That silver encrusted package could cause my computer to…Short Circuit! HA!

    It follows you no matter what angle you look at it!

  • […] before I divulge more strange childhood fantasies, let’s get back to the issue at hand: my love of grocery shopping. I know it’s […]

  • 5. Google-mania! « Jive Turkey  |  February 6, 2008 at 11:24 am

    […] that some poor soul is just looking for a place to get dinner, and instead gets an essay about my childhood crush on Steve Guttenberg. Sorry about that. Although, I suppose I am not helping matters by typing the phrase “Jive […]


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