Hey! You! Get Off Of My Ass!
There are two kinds of tailgating. One is fun:
One is not fun:
One results in this:
And the other results in this:
I’ll let you guess which one I prefer. HINT: it involves lampshades.
Now, I know bitching about tailgating drivers is pretty unoriginal (stay tuned for next week, when I do a Linda Richman impression and bitch about men who just won’t put the seat down already! Am I right, ladies? Am I right? Look at her; she knows what I’m talking about), but I just DO NOT understand the logic in this annoying-ass phenomenon. Every time I bitch about tailgaters, everyone within earshot agrees with me: “Oh my God, I know, that’s so annoying – not to mention dangerous! Don’t they realize that tailgating me only causes me to go slower just to piss them off? Are they really in that big of a hurry that they have to decrease the space between our cars to 2 inches just to arrive at their destination .0004 nanoseconds faster?! GOD!”
So what I don’t understand is this: if we’re all in agreement that tailgaters are obnoxious assholes, then where are all these tailgaters coming from? Do perfectly reasonable, compassionate people turn into over-entitled fuckwads ala Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde whenever they climb into their cars? Do tailgaters just not realize they’re doing it? Is tailgating – as I suspect – directly related to poor performance in the bedroom and a large ass? So many mysteries, so few answers.
If you’re reading this and you’re a tailgater, please, PLEASE tell me why you do it. It’s so much better to fully understand that which I hate.*Ed. note: I am aware that the first picture in this entry is slathered with distracting copyright watermarks, but I could not resist using this photo, as you can practically hear the guy going “WOOOOO!” **Ed. note the second: While conducting an image search for tailgating and rear-end collisions (ahem), this picture came up:
“Tailgating, the color pink, and Transitions lenses: discuss.”
Entry filed under: Taste my Backhand.