Business Trip, Day 2: Cheers & Jeers
- The scratch on my hand that periodically sends me into a panic because there have been numerous instances in the drug-resistant staph virus in this town, and hey, does this scratch look funny to you?
- The chocolate muffin from the breakfast tray that tasted like cat asshole. Seriously, how do you fuck up a chocolate muffin? I ask you.
- The woman who got all snippy about people having to step over the power cord to my laptop. Settle down, bitch; most of these people have served in active combat, I’m pretty sure they can manage NOT TO TRIP ON A CORD.
- The conference center has no wireless. I am starting to think the conference center is located in 1992.
- Watching a lady across the room try to discreetly fall asleep with her head leaning back on the chair, then watching her wake up in a panic when her head dramatically swings down towards her chest and attracts the attention of everyone in the room.
- My endless fascination with all of the delicious foreign accents in the group. I am tempted to kidnap one of the British attendees and make them read me Beatrix Potter stories until I fall asleep.
- The Australian man in my discussion group who (in addition to having an awesome accent) looks like Wallace. Just need to find someone who looks like Gromit to sit next to him.
- The woman from yesterday is still staring, but I’ve officially decided: she’s in love with me. Makes it a lot more interesting that way.
- The grumpy, argumentative man in the briefing session who looks like the lolrus.
- Most of the traffic on my blog is still a direct result of people Googling various iterations of “The Shocker.” I always knew it would make me popular.
Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.