Oh Noes! My Babby Has Chicken Pots!

December 12, 2007 at 10:40 am 9 comments

If I had to pick one pet peeve that really drives me crazy head-and-shoulders above the rest, something that makes me want to scream and rend my garments even more than tailgating drivers, dinner table nose-blowers, or airplane farters (people who fart on the airplane, not people who fart airplanes, although I suppose that might be annoying depending on the circumstance), it would have to be TERRIBLE SPELLERS.

Look, I understand that some words are tough to spell – I myself was disqualified from the 6th grade spelling bee for screwing up “irrelevant” – and I know everyone slips up and misspells a word from time to time, and I know there are unintentional typos, and I know – I KNOW! – that poor spelling does not necessarily mean you are uneducated or unintelligent, but HOLY SHIT, it sure makes you seem that way.

Allow me to illustrate my point.

This week, I received the email below:


Was this email written by a LOLcat?

Are you fucking kidding me? The person who sent this email was 1) a parent, and 2) someone who works at an ART AND LANGUAGE INSTITUTE. And she spelled “baby” wrong. Twice.

Now, I’m not a parent, but I have a feeling that if you have GIVEN BIRTH TO CHILDREN, you might have seen the word “baby” around. Like, ALOT. Right?

Exhibit 2: The person who found my blog entry about tainted chicken pot pie by Googling “chicken pots symptoms.” It took me a while, but after puzzling over that phrase for a minute or so, I realized that the Googler was looking up CHICKEN POX symptoms. As in, the ailment most of us get as kids. As in, this was probably another adult.

What gives, Chicken Pot Googler? You spelled “symptoms” correctly; how could you not have known it was pox? Have you really gone your whole life thinking that there was a disease named after the cooking vessels of culinarily-inclined poultry?

God forbid the kid gets pneumonia. Lord knows what kind of crazy-ass Google search that will result from that.


Pneumo’ nia, mo’ problems.


Entry filed under: And you KNOW THIS!, Taste my Backhand.

When You Read A Book, Baby Jesus Cries Gee, This Divorce Tastes Terrific!

9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. D-Rock  |  December 12, 2007 at 11:09 am

    I can’t help appreciating the irony. In a blog post about bad spelling, you use this phrase:

    Now, I’m not a parent, but I have a feeling that if you have GIVEN BIRTH TO CHILDREN, you might have seen the word “baby” around. Like, ALOT. Right?

    “A lot” is two words.

  • 2. jiveturkey  |  December 12, 2007 at 11:13 am

    OH SNAP!

    “Alot” is a habit I have never been able to break. Uh, obviously.

    However, I have never misspelled anything that came out of my vagina.

  • 3. Husband of Said Turkey  |  December 12, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    Does it make you nervous writing a post about bad spelling? I think I’d obsess about my own grammar and spelling too much to ever publish it.

    My babby is sik. Can sumone help us aht?

  • 4. Husband of Said Turkey  |  December 12, 2007 at 12:41 pm

    And Turkey, it’s commendable that you haven’t corrected “ALOT” and deleted D-Rock’s comment. You’re a better person than I, it seems, as I would have done so immediately.

  • 5. jiveturkey  |  December 12, 2007 at 12:45 pm

    I would be foolish to delete a comment from the 3rd reader this blog has ever had.

  • 6. serenity39  |  December 13, 2007 at 2:30 am

    Am I the second reader? I missed the “alot” but fuck, everybody does that one. My own grammar is exemplary, but sadly, that hasn’t translated into mo’ money…

  • 7. jiveturkey  |  December 13, 2007 at 11:38 am

    Serenity39, you are the 2nd reader (I think). I am trying not to count the people who know me in Real Life and therefore feel obligated to read. You understand.

    And you don’t want mo’ money. Because then you’d have mo’ problems. Or so they say.

  • 8. Chicago Friend of Said Turkey  |  December 14, 2007 at 1:37 pm

    in 4th grade, i was disqualified from the spelling bee on the world “allergy”. it’s 2 l’s, dammit. but i feel your pain.

  • 9. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  December 16, 2007 at 8:35 pm

    Oh. My. God. I so feel your pain. Last week when I went to my gym, I was greeted by a sign on the door that cheerily announced their “HOLLIDAY SPECIALS” on tanning, massages, etc. Seriously. Can you go anywhere this time of year without seeing the word HOLIDAY???

    And – you spelled “misspelled” correctly, which I always seem to want to misspell as mispell for some reason (hee, this is fun).

    The other one that always pisses me off? “Dinning room.” Please!


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