Cheers & Jeers: Post-Traveling Edition
- None of my flights were delayed, canceled, or plummeted from the sky at 10,000 feet.
- Southwest Airline’s open seating policy, which made it possible for me to score window seats on all four flights, only one of which was next to a dirty, dirty Airplane Flatulator.
- Spending the weekend drinking lots of wine, eating fried chicken and Indian food, and laughing my fool head off with my dear friend Bird.
- My weak-ass tolerance, which made it possible for me to get nice and drunk for less than ten dollars.
- My luggage, which was not lost despite my doomsday predictions to the contrary. Southwest Airlines, I salute you.
- The Airplane Flatulator (we were almost on the GROUND! You couldn’t wait ten more minutes?!?).
- The effect that drinking lots of wine and eating fried chicken & Indian food had on my digestive system, which was not unlike the effect that a lit match has on a gasoline-soaked recliner.
- My weak-ass tolerance, which – after only one glass of wine – made me feel as though it was entirely appropriate to have very loud PUBLIC conversations about Things I Should Always Keep To Myself.
- My obscenely clammy and sweaty nervous-airplane-hands, which all but ruined the cover of my Marie Claire with their ridiculous amounts of condensation. I am now unsure if the issue offers 300 or 301 new ways to please my man.
- The $16 bottle of conditioner that ejaculated itself all over the inside of my suitcase. My clothes now have extraordinary bounce and silky-softness; my bottle of conditioner is now embarrassed that it did not have more control.
Sorry, baby…I swear that doesn’t usually happen.
Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.