One of the highlights of my morning (and there are precious few) is checking my blog stats and seeing what crazy-ass shit people are Googling to get to my site. Allow me – if you will – to present you with a sampling:
- “JIVE TURKEY RESTAURANT.” I get this one all the time, and I guess it’s no big mystery as there is an actual Jive Turkey restaurant in in New York City. I always feel slightly guilty knowing that some poor soul is just looking for a place to get dinner, and instead gets an essay about my childhood crush on Steve Guttenberg. Sorry about that. Although, I suppose I am not helping matters by typing the phrase “Jive Turkey restaurant” in this entry multiple times. Sorry about that, too.
- “WHY CAN’T YOU EAT A JIVE TURKEY?” I got this one a couple of days ago, and I feel it necessary to point out that I would probably be stringy, and perhaps a tad dry.
- “HOW TO TELL IF YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.” Ah! Finally something I can help you out with.
- “MADISON PEE GOLDEN.” Huh. Well, I think I know what this possible resident of Wisconsin was looking for, although I think that “Madison P. Golden” sounds like an old-fashioned oil tycoon, or perhaps a relative of the Monopoly guy.
Pass go, collect $200, and piss on me, you dirty whore!
Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.