Things That Make My Heart Stop, Vol. 1

February 13, 2008 at 12:03 pm 6 comments

One of my new favorite shows on TV is Paranormal State, a documentary series about a bunch of college-age kids from Penn State’s Paranormal Research Society who basically go around ghost-hunting and helping people deal with their various hauntings. I actually spent weeks avoiding the show because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it, which sounds exceedingly lame, I know, but I don’t deal so well with the scary stuff. So even though the commercials for the show totally scared the shit out of me, I found the subject matter so interesting that I finally caved and watched an episode 1) with HoST in attendance, and 2) in broad daylight.

The show? Awesome. My pants? Mildly soiled.


Don’t hate.

While I still can’t watch an episode alone, I’ve graduated to being able to watch them at night. Honestly, the shows don’t scare me as much as I thought they would. I find them more interesting than anything else, although I do tend to be a little jumpy afterwards – something I don’t generally notice unless the cat startles me and…


Here we go again.

So, last night HoST and I were watching the latest episode about a house (in our very own city!) that was being haunted by what seemed to be the ghost of a woman who lived there in the 1800s. The investigation crew was in the midst of Dead Time (when they attempt to communicate with spirits), when – and I SHIT YOU NOT – the following happened:

PARANORMAL STATE VOICEOVER ON TV: We’re getting ready for Dead Time in hopes of communicating with the spirit in this house.

HoST: [watching intently]

CAT: [asleep on back of couch]

LAMP ON THE END TABLE: [flickers from normal light to dim light exactly 3 times, at uniform intervals]

ME: [trying to remain calm; reminding my heart that it needs to resume beating] HoST, can you please make sure that lightbulb is screwed in tight enough? It must be loose.

HoST: [pauses TV, checks lightbulb] It’s not loose.



Something was loose, I’ll say that much.

Seriously. What the fuckity-fuck-fuck was THAT? Look – our house is old. Nearly 100 years old, as best we can tell. I know for a fact that someone has died in the house, but there is not any sort of negative energy whatsoever. So methinks something was seriously fucking with us – fucking with ME. And really, I can’t blame it. I’m such an easy target. So HAR HAR HAR, Shecky McSpirit. I GET IT. Now cut it out, please, before I have to invest in vinyl slipcovers.


On the upside, my slutty couch won’t get pregnant again.



Entry filed under: And you KNOW THIS!.

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6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Husband of Said Turkey  |  February 13, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    I chalk it up to snowy weather causing power fluctuations, but it was definitely weird timing!

  • 2. FoST  |  February 21, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    Oh, I forgot to tell you, when I was staying at your house, I killed somebody. Oops!?

  • 3. CC  |  March 3, 2008 at 9:53 am

    I live in a house built in the 1930s, so no that old, but we’ve heard that the husband who lived there before us (and we’d met) died around August time. On Halloween, when I was home alone, the shower switched on by itself. BY ITSELF.

    It turns out that the pipes are a bit rusty, and the valve that stops the water flowing out of the shower-head must have disintegrated. Now we have to pull the fuse everytime we switch the shower on/off.

  • 4. jiveturkey  |  March 3, 2008 at 9:58 am

    YIKES! Well, I’m glad you found a nice, logical explanation for the shower, because that’s the kind of thing that would send me running & screaming.

  • 5. Hello Again « Jive Turkey  |  April 8, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    […] I am still watching Paranormal State. I still can’t watch it unless Brad is sitting there with me, and it can’t be the last thing I watch before going to bed (I usually have to cleanse the palate with a re-run of The Office or Family Guy afterwards), but I’m watching.  And you know what’s crap? At least 50% of the time they are able to establish for the people that they’re helping that YES, weird shit is going on in your house – but then? They just kind of leave. And the little “update” that comes on the screen right before the credits usually says something like “Anita and her daughter are still experiencing paranormal activity in her home and routinely see the severed head of the past owner hovering above the bathtub, but they report that they are no longer afraid.” […]

  • 6. Boo! No, Really: BOO « Jive Turkey  |  October 30, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    […] car (which is to say we’ll get about 20 minutes into the first movie. I am easily frightened, if you recall). Brad is a fan of the scary movie, though, and promises he will indulge all my post-movie-viewing […]


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