How Did God Punish People Before Email?

February 26, 2008 at 12:39 pm 4 comments

This forwarded email was sitting in my inbox this morning:


Give me a fucking break.

If God is wielding his Great and Mighty Hand based on whether or not I forward emails, then fuck it. I’m worshiping a lawn chair from now on.

Also, is that Jesus’s senior picture? I feel like he should be leaning on a giant “95” with a trombone in his hand.


Entry filed under: Taste my Backhand.

He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My City End Times Are Nigh

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Husband of Said Turkey  |  February 26, 2008 at 1:33 pm

    Jesus looks stoned in that picture. And by “stoned,” I don’t mean hit with rocks. I mean straight up Snoop Dogg obliterated.

  • 2. Carrie  |  March 6, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    Seriously. I was just talking about this kind of stuff with some friends after I heard a guy tell someone that God told him where to get his MBA.

    I maintain that God thinks that guy’s an asshole and he couldn’t give two craps about where he gets his masters. Jeez. But, really, though I hope you sent that message to 10 people because I’d hate for anything bad to happen to you.

    (BTW– Hi. I’m Carrie and I thoroughly enjoy your site!)

  • 3. jiveturkey  |  March 6, 2008 at 5:10 pm

    Hi, Carrie! Thanks!

    You are sweet to worry about me, but I didn’t forward the email, because I think getting killed by a lightning bolt after I anger God VIA EMAIL would be pretty awesome.


  • 4. Forwards and Backwards « Jive Turkey  |  July 8, 2008 at 10:35 am

    […] July 8, 2008 So here I am, the Tuesday after a 3-day holiday weekend and the obligatory Shiftless Monday after a 3-day holiday weekend (with the special added bonus of an extra long Monday night rehearsal in which everyone was ass-clenchingly off-book for the first time), and I think, “Gee. I sure wish I had some words of wisdom to get me through the day. Preferably something delivered via email, that requires me to scroll down through 15 levels of forwarded headers, that has >>>>> before each line of text, and – ideally – contains some sort of vaguely disturbing clip art and a gloom-and-doom message with a pinch of religious guilt thrown in.” […]


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