End Times Are Nigh
Three times this week – THREE TIMES! – a 7-up truck has crossed my path.
Doesn’t that seem strange to you?
7-up, my friends. When was the last time you had a 7-up? When was the last time you saw enough 7-up in one place to suggest that an entire TRUCKLOAD was needed for the delivery? 7-up just seems like one of those sad, forgotten soft drinks you never think about purchasing unless you have no other alternative. Or have been up all night with food poisoning. It’s like that lone, dusty 12-pack of Squirt I saw on the grocery store shelf yesterday, which prompted me to exclaim, “They still make SQUIRT?!” to a very confused older lady browsing the ginger ale.
I miss you, Overtly Sexual Soft Drink.
As a person who likes to assign meaning to random things (I got a paper cut today! Surely a message lies within!), I can’t help but think that my THREE sightings of The Un-cola are more than a coincidence. Sure, mock me now – but we’ll see who has the last laugh whenever Obama gets elected president, declares himself the anti-Christ, enslaves all of humankind, then tears off his face to reveal his true identity:
Mercy from the destructive power of my unholy wrath? Never had it, never will!
Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.