Annual Exam: The Great Equalizer

April 1, 2008 at 12:33 pm 9 comments

So, guess what I get to do today?


Sadly, not an April Fool’s joke.

Yes, that’s right. My annual exam. The yearly tradition of letting a total stranger have a look-see around the ol’ ranch, IF you know what I mean.


Everything alright down here?

Funny thing, the annual exam. It’s one of those appointments I schedule every year without really thinking about it. I take time off work, drive to the doctor’s office, fill out the forms, show my insurance card, get weighed, put on the gown, and then WELL HELLO THERE, DOCTOR.

Thankfully, I see a really cool nurse practitioner who makes the experience as not-horrific as possible. When we went to talk to her about trying to get pregnant, she gave us the laundry list of dos and don’ts, taking special care to mention – in total seriousness – “Now wouldn’t be a good time to take up smoking crack.” Love her.

That’s really all I have to say on the subject. Except to note that I think it’s interesting how I will not divulge my real name on this blog, but have no problem disclosing to the Internet at large the fact that I’m going to have my reproductive system medically examined this afternoon.


Somewhere, my mother just fainted from shame.


Entry filed under: And you KNOW THIS!.

Time For A Book-Burnin’: Shit Lit for the Modern Female Reader Madame Ovary

9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Husband of Said Turkey  |  April 1, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    Just don’t bite the doctor’s fingers off with your vagina like the chick in this horrible movie.

  • 2. Chicago Friend of Said Turkey  |  April 2, 2008 at 11:24 am

    Yikes! I hate the lady doctor. Hope your pipes are in good shape!

  • 3. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  April 2, 2008 at 11:20 pm

    Uh, HoST, how did you even know about that movie? Never mind; I don’t really wanna know. I don’t think I can handle the truth.

  • 4. jiveturkey  |  April 3, 2008 at 10:08 am

    HoST actually PAID to go watch that movie IN PUBLIC. As in AT A THEATRE. ON A SUNDAY.

    Just one of the many reasons I love him.

  • 5. 4th reader of said turkey  |  April 3, 2008 at 4:56 pm

    Isn’t “going ON A SUNDAY to see a movie about vaginas with teeth” on the Vatican’s new list of mortal sins?

  • 6. jiveturkey  |  April 3, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    HA! Aaaaand we’ve come full-circle. Nice one, 4th reader.

  • 7. Kristin  |  April 8, 2008 at 8:13 am

    I jumped here from Amalah (see, commenting really does bring traffic to your site!), and I just finished going through all your archives. Now I’m going to add you to my links list, because not only are you highly entertaining, but you can spell and punctuate properly. And thank GOD for that, because most people writing on this here Internet make me want to gouge out their eyes with a red pen.

  • 8. jiveturkey  |  April 8, 2008 at 8:28 am

    Hi Kristin! Thanks for stopping by and giving me grammatical props. You will be saddened to know that I got another “chicken pots” Google hit yesterday. Sigh.

  • 9. paperback writer  |  April 9, 2008 at 8:00 am

    Oh, the annual exam! That reminds me I need to schedule mine…


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