Cheers & Jeers: Back From Vacation Edition
- None of my planes crashed, thanks in large part to the fact that I insisted on window seats, so I could monitor and mentally control each flight.
- I did not get an ass-blistering sunburn, thanks in large part to the 500 gallons of sunblock I continually applied underneath my kevlar vest, cape, and beekeeping hat.
- The hiking and yoga that gave me the perfect excuse to inhale obscene quantities of huevos rancheros and guacamole.
- AirTran’s upgrade system, which allowed me to fly first class from Atlanta to Phoenix, and Phoenix to Atlanta. Not sure if you knew this, but FIRST CLASS = FREE BOOZE.
- The warmth! The sunshine! The wide open blue skies! The denial of having to return to the land of 50-degree-highs and perpetual rain showers!
- The woman behind me on my ATL-PHX flight who COUGHED COUGH-COUGH-COUGH-MOTHERFUCKING-COUGHED all over the back of my head for THREE AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS. Lady, if I hadn’t had such a mellow buzz from that cheap airline wine, I would have stuffed my SkyMall down your throat.
- The three hour layover in Atlanta beginning at 5:30am, at which time the air conditioning in my terminal was set somewhere between “Popsicle,” and “March of the Penguins.”
- The Douchebag McGees who had the room next to ours at the hotel and kept clumsily hitting on my sister and I, using tactics including 1) knocking on our door pretending they were looking for “Jack;” trying to use this to start a conversation, 2) Shouting “Free Margaritas!” whenever we walked past them at the pool bar, 3) Having absolutely no ability to pick up on how much we wanted to run over their legs with our rental car.
- Missing HoST and the cat like nobody’s business; having moments of panic when I realized how far away from them I was; applying guacamole and pina coladas to the panic as needed.
- The hiking and yoga that kicked my lily-white ass and made my muscles so sore they considered seceding from my body so I could never stupidly try to keep up with a 90-minute power yoga class again.
Pros: Breathtakingly beautiful; Cons: Husband not included.
Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.