Googlemania III: Comedy Turns to Concern

July 14, 2008 at 10:31 am 5 comments

If I had to list the top five small happinesses of my daily life, I would have to say that checking the “search terms” area of my blog stats is at the top of that list…right before hydrogenated oil’s equivalent to the orgasm, Coffeemate, and right after the highly entertaining situation of coworkers arguing loudly in emphatic whispers with their children on the phone.

“No, you cannot go to Dylan’s house after school. No you – no – MATTHEW! Let go of your sister’s arm! Don’t talk to me in that tone, young man! I am at WORK and I CANNOT DEAL with your attitude right now! That’s it, no Playstation until October.”

As with previous installments of Google-mania, there is plenty of hilarity to be found. Behold the wonderful and glorious things the citizens of this world are typing into search engines to reach my humble blog:

  • coot coot! dukes of hazzard
  • hiley cyrus/myrus cyrus/millie ray cyrus (yes, I get about 4 variations on this daily)
  • chickenpots (A classic!)

…And perhaps my very favorite:

  • fart babby,s

And this is all amusing and fun, but lately, I’ve been getting some…interesting terms. Such as:

  • turkey sex movie/sex movies turkey
  • sex turky ass

Uh. Is “turkey” slang for something else? Or are there just a lot of people out there with a sexual fondness for luncheon meat? Whatever the explanation, I once again feel somewhat guilty that these poor misguided souls end up here, only to curse in frustration and one-handedly navigate to some other site that will hopefully fulfill their wildest poultry-related desires.

“Hey baby, I’m about ready to make my own gravy.”

And lest I forget, allow me to present you with the winner of the Most Emotionally-Unsettling Search Term award:

  • please dont go away

Well…OK. I won’t. Just promise you won’t get mad that your desperate cry for help led you to a website that, in turn, mocks your pain.

It’s funny ’cause it’s great material.

And now, if I may be the rancid icing on the Monday-morning cake, allow me to share the Forward Du Jour, as supplied to me by a relative who may never be invited to my house again:

RAGE.

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Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.

Forwards and Backwards STILL ALIVE!

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. MLE  |  July 14, 2008 at 11:25 am

    I never get any interesting search terms. The most interesting things are things like “no fingers” and “I don’t know nothin’ bout birthing no babies” but that’s because I actually wrote about these things at some point. I want cool google search terms!

    Also, your turkey photo made me think of this Nature show the superhero and I watched last night, about cephalopods, and boy, do cuttlefish have weird mating habits!

    Reply
  • 2. jiveturkey  |  July 14, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    Cuttlefish? HOT.

    Reply
  • 3. kristin  |  July 14, 2008 at 2:57 pm

    Oh, Turkey. You were reading DR. PHIL’S website? I don’t think we can be cyber-friends anymore. I hate that smug bastard.

    Reply
  • 4. Chicago Friend of Said Turkey  |  July 14, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    see i always thought that for our friendship, it’s more like:

    you hurt, i hurt the bastard that hurt you by mocking them openly in front of their family, friends and colleagues.

    maybe that’s just us though.

    Reply
  • 5. jiveturkey  |  July 14, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    CFoST: See, that’s why we’re friends. Well, that, and your “personalities.”

    Kristin: I KNOW! I KNOW! That’s why it’s so damn embarrassing. Please forgive me. I know not what I do.

    Reply

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