August 25, 2008 at 12:06 pm 13 comments

We went in for an ultrasound today. The midwife wanted to get a better idea of how far along I was, because I apparently look like the shifty sort who enjoys lying about her last menstrual period. After spending an interesting hour in the waiting room trying not to barf on my lap, we went in. Pants were taken off, goo was applied (hey, this is sounding remarkably like my freshman year of college…), and we saw what looked like a little peanut with – what was that? That little flickering thing? Hey, is that…?

…a heartbeat. Officially better than pickles.

You’re pretty fucking awesome, little peanut. Even if you come out looking like this. Actually, you’re even MORE awesome if you come out wearing a monocle and spats. I mean – SPATS! It doesn’t get much cooler than that. Just leave that cane behind, would you? Ouch.


Entry filed under: Thanksgiving.

Thanks, and Please Pass the Pickles “Don’t Look at the Fat-Ass Losers and Freaks, Look at ME!”

13 Comments Add your own

  • 1. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  August 25, 2008 at 1:08 pm

    Oh, I loved that first ultrasound and seeing the heartbeat. Makes it all more real, somehow. Or more worth the barfing, or something.

    Did you get “pictures” to take home? And how far along are you?

  • 2. kristin  |  August 25, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    You can see the heartbeat already? Cool. Maybe it’s the heart of rock ‘n’ roll. That’s still beating, you know. So says Huey.

  • 3. jiveturkey  |  August 25, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    4th reader: Oops, left that little detail out. I’m right around the 8 week mark! I did get pictures, which are locked in my car’s glove compartment, because I was terrified my coworkers would catch me staring at them all day long. ALSO: I meant to answer this question of yours like WEEKS ago: no, we didn’t see the girl you know in August Osage Co. I thought we might have, since the actors in that role had been switched around recently, but no, we saw some other chick who was really just kinda OK.

    kristin: HA! Thank you for quoting Huey Lewis. Incidentally, I need a new drug.

  • 4. Leah  |  August 25, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    You got to take your pants off for the ultrasound clinic? Am jealous. Also wondering if there’s a reason doctor’s never ask me to take my pants off. Do I…smell?

  • 5. Leah  |  August 25, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    Or is it that I can’t punctuate correctly? Yeah, I think that’s it.

  • 6. jiveturkey  |  August 26, 2008 at 8:41 am

    Leah: I totally got the ol’ dildo-cam after the regular on-the-surface ultrasound. Much better images with the dildo-cam (at this stage, at least). What threw me was that the technician was all, “Would you like to insert it yourself?” HELL NO, I don’t want to insert it MYSELF! What do I pay you people for?!

  • 7. The Constant C  |  August 26, 2008 at 9:38 am

    Oh, I was totally thrown by that myself. I’m SO glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t exactly expect to, um, self-service at the gyno. Christ.

  • 8. Sara  |  August 26, 2008 at 10:34 am

    Oh, Jive Turkey. That little peanut will be so happy to be stuck with you.

  • 9. Leah  |  August 26, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    I learned from experience that sometimes it’s best to insert the dildocam oneself. That way you can make sure you get the right hole.

    Me to technician: “Um…that’s not it…”

  • 10. jiveturkey  |  August 26, 2008 at 1:51 pm

    Good God.

  • 11. MLE  |  August 26, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    I can tell that there is so much to look forward to with this whole pregnancy deal. Inserting one’s own dildocam to ensure it goes in the right hole? sheesh.

    I submit that your Internet Embryo/ Fetus Name should be Spats Turkey, because it kind of sounds like a 1920s gangster with a cigar and a hot dame.

  • 12. 4th reader of said turkey  |  August 26, 2008 at 4:27 pm

    A BABY PICTURE! A BABY PICTURE HAS BEEN POSTED! And there are funny captions which are causing me to do spit takes right here at my desk.

    And seriously, pregnant ladies – there is an article on the NY TImes website today about rickets making a comeback, and it ain’t just for 18th century peasant kids anymore. Check it out if you’re planning to breastfeed.

    Jive Turkey, I guess this is what happens when you reveal your pregnancy to the internet. Instead of posts about vaginas with teeth, it turns into ultrasound photos and breastfeeding advice. Hello, parenthood.

  • 13. Sara  |  August 26, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    NO! Not a Republican!


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