Headline News

September 12, 2008 at 11:26 am 8 comments

Internet, is CNN.com hurting for readers or page views or something? Because whoever’s in charge of writing the headlines over there is trying just a little bit too hard. Either that, or imbibing a little too much Cutty Sark with breakfast. I mean, I get that a headline should be short, concise, and attention-grabbing, but I think they’re going a little far here. To wit:

So…at first I genuinely thought this had something to do with religion and the charming belief that unbaptized babies go to hell (which THANK GOD FOR THAT, because those newborns are such awful, terrible human beings), but it was really about babies in a third world country (I didn’t read the article because, well, there was no article to read – this was one of those annoying “video-only” headlines that force you to sit through commercials before getting to the story. HATE). But, you know, isn’t calling some earthly location “hell” kind of, I don’t know, SUBJECTIVE? Way to uphold that journalistic integrity, CNN! Who do you think you are? Fox News?

But this headline (also from yesterday) has to be my favorite:

This article was about broaching the subject of faith with your healthcare providers in order for them to understand that religion is an important part of your personal healing, but all I could think about was:

DOCTOR: You have cancer.

PATIENT: I hear what you’re sayin’, Doc, but let me tell you a little somethin’ about a man called Jesus… (pulls out acoustic guitar)

Hm…what rhymes with Galilee?

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Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.

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8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Husband of Said Turkey  |  September 12, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    Atrophy, which is a medical term, *kind of* rhymes with Galilee.

    Reply
  • 2. kristin  |  September 12, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    This isn’t the real reason I never look at the news (I really just enjoy being uninformed), but it certainly doesn’t make me any more inclined to log on to CNN.

    Reply
  • 3. Sara  |  September 12, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    Did CNN hire Sarah Palin to write their headlines? (Twitter away!)

    Reply
  • 4. MLE  |  September 12, 2008 at 4:15 pm

    My coworker made me watch the interview today (I refused to watch last night) and the first thing I said was, “She says nucular!” Great minds, JT. Great minds.

    Reply
  • 5. Carrie  |  September 12, 2008 at 8:00 pm

    I hate those video headlines, too! I just want to skim and move on, skim and move on. Gah!

    Also, as for your twitter about missing booze: Oh, you poor Turkey! I don’t envy you that. If HoST isn’t drinking for two, would it make you feel better if you knew that I am?

    Reply
  • 6. Nev  |  September 13, 2008 at 3:44 am

    Bwahahhahaha…love your doctor-patient exchange, hee!

    Turkey, I am crawling out from beneath my lurkdom to say ‘hiya!’ and, firstly, say congrats on being preggers! May you have a healthy, safe and fun pregnancy – enjoy (despite the not-so-enjoyable parts)!

    I’ve been reading your blog on and off for the past several months and have been too damn lazy to leave a comment, but let me just say it now that you’re a kick-ass and engaging writer, and one of the few bloggers – besides Sars – that I follow.

    Cheers!

    Reply
  • 7. jiveturkey  |  September 15, 2008 at 8:30 am

    Hi Nev! Your lovely comment made my morning. Glad you enjoy the site!

    Reply
  • 8. Nev  |  September 19, 2008 at 10:06 am

    Aww, that’s sweet, heh. The site kicketh ass, how can it NOT be enjoyed! 🙂

    I actually ended up reading the doctor-patient exchange to my boyfriend who let out a throaty laugh in response, hee! And he can be a hard one to please humour-wise, lemme tell ya. Though, he does like Two and a Half Men …wait, come to think of it, so do I. Yeah, I know. But I can’t help but laugh! 😀

    Tootles!

    Reply

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