October 22, 2008 at 12:29 pm 8 comments

Well, thanks to the wildly unpredictable bursts of second trimester energy I occasionally experience (one hour of wide-awake productivity at 9am, followed by 6 hours of zombie-like exhaustion during which I have to give myself a pep talk to complete a thought/sentence/click of the mouse), there is a half-finished blog entry sitting in my drafts folder, just waiting to be completed. Me? I’m just over here, fantasizing about that donut I had in yesterday’s meeting.

I wanna…lick-lick-lick-lick you from your head to your toes…

But I wanted to post a quick update about my third (THIRD? That’s it? Shouldn’t this kid be applying for college already?) prenatal appointment this morning:

  • Weeks pregnant: A shade over 16
  • Pounds gained so far: 11
  • Percentage of me that felt offended when the midwife looked at my weight gain and said, “Oh, would you look at that!”: 99
  • Minutes it took her to convince me that the weight gain was totally on track and normal: 20
  • Orders of pan-fried noodles with vegetables and tofu I will be consuming at lunch to celebrate totally healthy, on-track weight gain: 1
  • Strong, healthy heartbeats heard on Doppler: 1
  • Thrilled and relieved (and neurotic) parents-to-be: 2

So, them’s the haps. I still can’t really believe there is something alive (AND WITH ITS OWN GENITALS) inside of my body right now, but apparently we’re just that motherfucking lucky. I’m still not detecting any movement – although Spats led the Doppler on a wild goose chase throughout my uterus in the style of those dang Duke boys. But I started rehearsals for my last and final pre-baby show this week (14-hour days without caffeine: WELCOME TO HELL), and I can’t feel much of anything besides the last of my sanity slipping out my ears.

Interestingly enough, I am not the only pregnant woman in the cast. It’s nice to know I have company in embarrassing the shit out of my offspring before it even enters the world.


Entry filed under: And you KNOW THIS!.

And You Can Quote Me Cheers & Jeers: Fall Edition

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. kristin  |  October 22, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    DIRTY SONG. I loved that song. And, YUMMY DOUGHNUT. I would very much like one right now.

  • 2. 4th reader of said turkey  |  October 22, 2008 at 4:22 pm

    More than one pregnant woman in that cast? Seriously, what are the odds? Have fun!

  • 3. Sara  |  October 22, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    Good luck with the show! Especially without the caffeine. Yikes. My sister didn’t want anything to do with coffee during the first trimester of her last pregnancy, and then she was all about it after that. She says you can have some caffeine every day. Then again, she and her husband are both short, so no one will notice the kids’ stunted growth anyway.

  • 4. SF Reader  |  October 23, 2008 at 1:37 pm

    One of the reasons I love my midwife is she’ll say things like “wow! five pounds in four weeks! Good job!!” with ZERO trace of sarcasm. I always follow up with “um, isn’t that a LOT?” and she, without fail, says “Everyone’s different! You look great to me!”

    Personally, I gave up long ago (well, long ago being a relative term since I’m only 29 weeks pregnant) trying to be “on track” with any of the mainstream pregnancy guides. First, I hate people trying to scare me, it pisses me off. Second, how could anything, any single metric, be right for every woman in the world? It’s just crazy talk. So now I just go with all the hippy-dippy, natural books. They’re fantastic. No judgment, just logical, helpful rules of thumb.

  • 5. Carrie  |  October 24, 2008 at 10:32 am

    I wish you could have seen my husband’s face when that song came on the radio and I knew EVERY WORD. It was precious, really.

    Congratulations on your wonderfully normal pregnancy! Keep up the good work!

  • 6. The Constant C  |  October 24, 2008 at 10:35 am

    Um, I keep coming to your blog to look at that donut. Is that so wrong?

  • 7. krysta  |  October 25, 2008 at 9:15 pm

    hi! i came over from kristen’s blog a while back ago and have been reading all your posts. i just wanted to say i gained 60 pounds with each of my four kids. don’t feel bad no one could have been fatter than me! i went from itty bitty 100 pounds to 160. yuck. who cares what the damn nurse or doctor says.

  • 8. Husband of Said Turkey  |  October 28, 2008 at 11:30 am

    So far, I’ve only gained 125 pounds during Turkey’s pregnancy. That’s about right for how much a husband should gain in the first trimester, right?


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