Ten for T

February 5, 2009 at 3:02 pm 8 comments

Internet, you sure are lucky today. Because instead of having to read a post about how I miraculously found a pair of thigh-highs in a small-town drugstore, or one detailing my latest pregnancy complaints (can’t breathe, can’t get comfortable, can’t stay awake for more than 3 hours waaaaaaaaah), or even one subjecting you to my Deep Thoughts about how today is exactly TWO MONTHS out from my due date and HOLY SHIT, I can totally remember what I was doing two months ago today…

3150071427_6977f1b28fI didn’t say it was INTERESTING, I just said I REMEMBERED.

Nope, you won’t have to read about ANY of that, Internet. And you have the lovely Hillary to thank, because she graciously assigned me a letter of the alphabet to do this thing where I, uh, tell you ten things I like that start with that letter. That sounds like fun, right? RIGHT?!

happy-fun-ballDo not taunt 7-months-pregnant lady.

The letter I got? T! Let’s begin, shall we?

  • THEATRE Yeah, no real surprise there, but I’d feel remiss if I didn’t throw it in. Although there was a time when I wanted nothing to do with being on stage and having people look at me, and that time was known as My Entire Life Up Until 5th Grade. I was a painfully shy little kid and hated to be the center of attention. Once, in third grade, when the entire class had to sing Christmas carols at an assembly and the music teacher was assigning a few solos to the group, she actually singled me out and asked me if I wanted a solo, because EVERYONE ELSE had their hand raised to be picked except me. And I promptly said OH HELL NO (minus the “HELL”) and faded back into the last row. Then, in 5th grade, a friend and I had to perform a short skit for the class, and my friends, I got laughs. BIG laughs. And that was it – I wanted more of that instantly-gratifying audience love, and asked my mom to start taking me to community theatre auditions that summer, thus beginning a long lifetime of making a complete jackass of myself for a laugh.


And sometimes I don’t even have to try.

  • TELEVISION Yes, Self-Righteous People Who Don’t Own a TV and Try To Make Those of Us Who Do Feel Inferior, I like television. I love it, even! I’ve been watching it all my life, and still managed to get a college degree and become a well-rounded person. In fact, I owe most of the cultural exposure I got in my early life to television, thanks to shows like Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, and National Geographic Explorer, which I used to watch religiously every Sunday night. Also, how else do you think I was able to see so many musicals when my theatre-mania set in? Because my small town in West Virginia only got about one touring Broadway show a year, and there is only so much beauty and art to be found in even the best productions of Grease!. I also firmly believe that I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t watched all those re-runs of Laugh-In on Nick at Nite.

laugh-inI still don’t think I’m old enough to understand some of those jokes.

  • TOOTSIE! You guys, I love my cat. She loves me, Brad, her chicken-flavored tartar-control treats and nothing else.

littletootsieBack in the days when she wasn’t so angry, a.k.a. before we had the vet take her uterus. My bad!

  • TRAVEL Oh, Internet. I have sort of a love/hate relationship with travel. Our trips to Israel and England were absolutely amazing, and even traveling a few states away from home can bring a new perspective on things that you can’t get anywhere else. And yet…


  • TOASTER STRUDELS Can I tell you how hard it was to try to limit myself to only ONE food-related answer? And it was a struggle (tacos, Twix bars, tortilla chips, Twizzlers, tuna melts, and tiramisu all put up a good fight), but in the end, those delicious sum-bitch Toaster Strudels were the one “T” food that, when I thought of them, made my pregnant ass weak in the knees. I can remember eating strawberry Toaster Strudels on Saturday mornings while watching cartoons, and how hard it was not to open and devour every single packet of that delicious, delicious icing. About a year or so ago, I picked up a box of Toaster Strudels at the store, figuring that they’d be a fun treat but would probably not be as good as I remembered them. After all, I liked them back when the most exotic food I’d ever tried was ramen noodles. I popped one in the toaster, spread on the icing, and…


  • TERRIBLE TOWELS Look, I know if you’re not a sports fan it’s hard to understand why people get so worked up about their team or sport of choice, so I’m not going to waste any time trying to explain it to you. But those of you who get it will understand when I tell you that I nearly went into premature labor about 14 separate times while watching the Super Bowl this past weekend, and watching the Steelers earn their SIXTH championship title was truly one of the highlights of my year.

terribletowelAnd no, I am not forgetting about the BIRTH OF MY FIRST CHILD that will also occur this year; that is how seriously we take our football here in Pittsburgh.

  • TAP-DANCING Not only does tap dancing make an extremely satisfying noise, it’s also pretty fucking cool. I always wanted to learn to tap dance, but in that way of just suddenly being able to do it without actually putting in the years and years of practice. I finally learned how to do a (colossally slow) time-step when I was working on a show in New Jersey, and DEAR GOD I love walking around in tap shoes whenever the situation presents itself (which is not often, I’m afraid), but I think tap dancing is just something I’m going to have to admire from afar. Sigh.


It’s kind of hard to accept that Bonnie Franklin is better than me at ANY aspect of living, but here we have it. In other news, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS AND WHY DON’T I OWN IT?!

  • TATTOOS I got my first (and only) tattoo on my lower left hip at the ripe old age of 19. I remember thinking that this might be one of those things I’d regret later in life, but you know what? Nope. At least not at this point. Granted, I can’t really see that little dragon these days, thanks to the ENORMOUS FETUS in my belly (but a quick mirror check reveals that he is not stretched out at all yet!). I’ve just always found the process of getting a tattoo really empowering. I mean, I wouldn’t recommend doing the Mike Tyson Face Tattoo (or doing anything Mike Tyson does, really), but getting something really meaningful to you? I’m for it. In fact, I’m thinking about getting another one to commemorate Spats’ birth, but I’m not quite sure what it will be…


  • TUMS This love affair is a recent one, as I only realized my deep feelings for Tums whenever it became clear to me that 1) pregnancy is a nine-month journey through a gastrointestinal carnival, and 2) Tums are one of the only fetus-approved treatments of stomach ailments, and 3) Tums has calcium – something my body needs anyway!

tumsI recommend the Berry Fusion Smoothie flavor, for optimum enjoyment whilst your esophagus is on fire.

Well, that’s my list. Want to join the fun? Here’s the dilly, yo!

If you want to participate, leave a comment on this post and I will assign you a letter. You then write about 10 things you love that begin with your assigned letter and post them on your blog. When people comment on your posted list, you give them a letter and the chain continues on and on.


Entry filed under: And you KNOW THIS!.

Potpourri Nursery Rhymes

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. HoST  |  February 5, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    I hate to exercise.

    But I love to run over Bonnie Franklin with my car.

  • 2. MLE  |  February 5, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    I got N, which was way harder than T would have been. Lucky!

  • 3. Sara  |  February 5, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    I thought I would die laughing when I saw the Happy Fun Ball picture. But then I saw Bonnie Franklin. Wow. Does she tell you to take your tap dancing lessons one day at a time? Bwahahahaha! Ha. Hmm.

    Anyway, now that I had the nerve to write such a bad joke, I deserve to be tagged. However, I can’t promise that such a list will ever be compiled. I haven’t even done the 25 random thing list on Facebook yet!

  • 4. kristin  |  February 5, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    So, literally the only television I watch are these shows on Discovery Health (a channel that is about as trashy as Fox’s reality shows–really. One of the shows they keep advertising? “Transgender MD.” Yup.) about weight loss. I am totally addicted to weight loss shows. Not because I necessarily need to lose weight, I just . . . I don’t know. Love the before and afters? The inspirational stories? The guy who does nothing but yell at people about their terrible diets and their terrible inactivity? Whatever, I love it.

    However, the most entertaining and yet sad part of the whole thing are the commercials shown during these weight loss shows: Pop-Tarts, disgusting pizza roll thingies . . . and yes, even your beloved Toaster Strudels. That’s just fucked up, man.

  • 5. jiveturkey  |  February 5, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    DAMMIT! I forgot TANQUERAY. What is wrong with me?

    Also – Kristin: Do you watch Intervention on A&E? Very satisfying in the before-and-after kind of way. Unless the intervention doesn’t work, in which case it’s just depressing as all fuck.

  • 6. hillary  |  February 5, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    great list!

    re: tanqueray – I am not lying when I say that I almost added London Dry Gin to my list but didn’t because it would have been a lie (what can I say, I’m a Bombay Sapphire gal)

  • 7. kristin  |  February 6, 2009 at 10:47 am

    I can’t say I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing that show. We have the cheapest cable (and then only because we can’t get any reception at all with an antenna), so technically, we’re only supposed to get, like, six channels. But for some reason, we get Discovery Health. Bizarre. And that is why I’m reduced to watching shows like “Bringing Home Baby” (I am, apparently, a big ole masochist) and “I Lost It!”

  • 8. » Because I’m sick of my eyes. However Absurd:  |  March 11, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    […] I don’t know why I have nothing to blog about. I mean, Jive Turkey even tagged me to do this alphabet thingy (yes, JT, I will post my favorite “p” things soon; I don’t know why I […]


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