Googlemania! Instant Classics Edition

March 13, 2009 at 10:44 am 9 comments

Internet! It’s Friday! And I am:

  1. Still pregnant;
  2. Sporting a low belly that insists on peeking out of every damn maternity shirt I own;
  3. Trying not to eat the sugar cookies I brought for the office bake sale this afternoon.

sugar-cookies1And let’s not even talk about how hard it was not to shove RAW DOUGH into my mouth when I made the cookies last night, even when the likely consequence would be salmonella for me and my unborn child. MOMMY LOVES YOU, SWEETHEART!

So, because I know how much some of you love it (4th READER), and because I really don’t have much else to say, I give you GOOGLEMANIA! And it WILL NOT DISAPPOINT, my friends, because there are some GEMS that the good citizens of the world having been a’Googlin’ lately:

  • “raw fucking vegetables” This one came across just this morning! And is pretty much verbatim of what you will hear me say as I reach for the Tums after eating a huge damn salad. I especially appreciate the quotes that the Googler used, because DAMMIT, I don’t want any results on raw vegetables – only raw FUCKING vegetables will do! And now I’m wondering – did I once type this phrase on my blog? Because I have no earthly idea why Google brought this person to my doorstep. At any rate, welcome, Raw Fucking Vegetables! It is good to have you around.
  • do you remember phil collins I believe what you MEAN to say is, “Do you REMEMBAH!”

collins

  • pregnant in jeans Little known fact: this was the original iteration of “Forever in Blue Jeans.”
  • pizza/donuts/eggs I really cannot imagine how many pages and pages of Google results you have to go through before you get MY site as a source of information on pizza, donuts, or eggs.
  • donut pictures Now here’s something I can get behind. In other news: my stomach just growled.
  • myrus cyrus I am only adding this one in here to prove that YES, I still get this random misspelling of her name, and also I read somewhere on some celebrity gossip site that Miley Cyrus has fake teeth and they fell out during a photo shoot, and I find that incredibly hilarious.
  • marijuana türkey photo An umlaut? AN UMLAUT?!
  • she will be coming around the mountain Oh yes, she WILL be, if she knows what’s good for her.
  • rachael ray n*ked [Edited to prevent future Googlings] GAH! Really?! I know there’s a spectacularly filthy “30-Minute Meals” joke to be made in here, but I just don’t have the energy to do it.
  • sex on a recumbent bike Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Have you guys ever seen a recumbent bike? Allow me to help you with this mental image:

bikeFeel free to fantasize ripping the rad silk shirt off this recumbent hunk of man. And you’re welcome.

Also: Is that Peyton Manning?

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Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.

Two Days My Cup Runneth Over*

9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. HoST  |  March 13, 2009 at 10:58 am

    Hey Rachel Ray… pour some olive oil on that please, and make it extra, EXTRA virgin.

    Reply
  • 2. HoST  |  March 13, 2009 at 10:59 am

    Also, what if Peyton Manning and Rachel Ray had sex on a recumbent bike, and Rachel Ray’s teeth fell out?

    Reply
  • 3. jiveturkey  |  March 13, 2009 at 11:31 am

    I honestly wouldn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Or barf.

    Probably barf.

    Reply
  • 4. MLE  |  March 13, 2009 at 11:33 am

    I always forget to check mine. I think yours are best of anyone’s I’ve seen.

    ps. project blanket should arrive tomorrow! or possibly Monday, but I hope tomorrow.

    Reply
  • 5. Notyourchelle  |  March 13, 2009 at 11:56 am

    “MOMMY LOVES YOU, SWEETHEART!”

    That made me laugh wayyyyyy harder than I think it should. 🙂

    Reply
  • 6. Kerry  |  March 13, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    Thank you for that. Never fails!

    Reply
  • 7. Chicago Friend of Said Turkey  |  March 13, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    YUM-O!

    Reply
  • 8. Sara  |  March 14, 2009 at 12:32 am

    Oh man, “Do you REMEMBAH!” made me laugh out loud! High-larious. And I can’t believe you couldn’t even say something about Rachael Ray doing it in 30 minutes or less. You must really be tired.

    Reply
  • 9. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  March 14, 2009 at 4:09 am

    Yay Googlemania! Thanks, JT! I was actually talking about this at dinner tonight (with a friend whose birthday is the day between your old and new due dates, which is how the subject of you came up) and I was regaling them with past episodes of Googlemania and there was much laughter and bonding over sushi and Turkey.

    Reply

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