Neurotic Googling Update!
Just as my hand was halfway to delivering a bundle of Twizzlers to my mouth yesterday, my phone rang. It was Brad, Master Googler, who had discovered through his mad Googlin’ skillz that weight loss late in the third trimester is indeed a sign that labor is imminent.
FYI: I still ate the Twizzlers.
But what kind of imminent? Two weeks away imminent? Because that would be my due date. Or is it more like two days away imminent? Or two hours away? Should I just carry some paper towels and a onesie with me at all times? And maybe some extra cash? Because I’ve got a pedicure scheduled for this weekend, and having my water break into the foot bath might just be the kind of thing that requires a hefty tip.
I’m just gonna reach in here and grab my placenta real quick, and then I’ll be outta your hair.*
*I was totally going to use “mucous plug” or “bloody show”** instead of placenta up there, but I am still kind of in denial that those terms and the things they represent actually exist.
**Someone really needs to come up with a better name for “bloody show,” because every time I hear it, I am COMPELLED to say things like “There’s NO business, like bloody SHOW business…”
“You’ll be swell! You’ll be great! Gonna start to efface and dilate!”
Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.