Here I Go Again On My Own

June 5, 2009 at 1:22 pm 7 comments

First things first: YOU ARE WELCOME, Internet, for me getting that awesome song stuck in your mind.


Really? There was a time when no one found that hair ridiculous? REALLY?!

I’m posting this update from my second Friday in the office. It’s a much quieter day than last Friday, which means time is CRAWLING, but I’m surviving. Last week went well – I had substantial work to do and actually stayed late to finish some things up (well, as late as my boobs would let me, because there was a hungry infant at home and OW OW OW my boobs). Pumping went fine – it seems that most nursing mothers in this office have, well, offices with doors in which to pump. Me and my cubicle? Not so much. It’s kind of a pain in the ass dragging the pump to the mysterious “Quiet Room” every few hours, but whatever. Also, it’s fucking 2009 – can technology not give us the gift of a SILENT breast pump?

machineIt sounds like I’m on the fucking spin cycle in there.

I was talking to a pregnant coworker today about the whole labor/birth/caring for a newborn thing, and I told her that the most challenging thing so far has been breastfeeding. I was kind of surprised when I heard myself say it out loud: breastfeeding is more challenging than coaxing a human being out the ol’ brewster? More challenging than sleep deprivation? Weirder than suddenly HAVING A BABY in your house where there was no baby before? And yes, it kind of is. It’s just a little more…intense than I thought it would be, for good and for bad. I just didn’t spend a whole lot of time thinking about breastfeeding before I had Sadie because, frankly, I really didn’t expect to have much success. Let’s hear it for low expectations! Then she was born and on my boob within an hour of entering the world, and it just never stopped. And even then I really didn’t have time to think about it, because it just WAS. She needs fed every two hours or so, and there I am with my rack, ready to go. I have moments of pain and discomfort and occasional guilt-ridden thoughts of DAMN, this is just so inconvenient, and wouldn’t it be nice to have boobs that didn’t feel like ultra-sensitive raw nerve endings? But mostly, breastfeeding just IS. And that’s that.

Then, this past weekend, I met my mom and sister at an outlet mall about 30 minutes from my house to spend an ungodly amount of time and money in the Carter’s store. Maybe it was the fact that I’d spent the previous day at work, or maybe it was being surrounded by all those fucking adorable little clothes, but OH MY GOD did I miss Sadie. And not just the usual longing for her (that sometimes happens when she’s just asleep in the next room), but this was the kind of longing that sent me into a one-track thought process of how to get myself back to the baby as soon as humanly possible.  By the time I left the outlet (which I was pretty much forced by my boobs to do, lest they rocket straight off my body), I was sweating with impatience to see her again. The freedom of being out by myself was no longer the fun little excursion it usually is. I wanted her in my arms. NOW. Or better yet: FIVE MINUTES AGO.


As soon as I got home, I scooped her up in my arms and sat down to feed her. And I didn’t feel pain or discomfort or a desire to be doing anything else. I felt…relief. To be back with her, nursing her, giving her something she needs – something no one else can give her. I let her clusterfeed for an hour until she finally fell off with a contented stretch and a sigh.

So…I get it. The breastfeeding thing. I mean, besides the health benefits of breastmilk and all that hoo-ha, I finally get it. And I’m so, so grateful it’s worked out for me. Now, this doesn’t mean I will be breastfeeding the little angel until she says, “Be right back,” and hops off my boob to walk across the auditorium stage and receive her high school diploma (once she gets teeth, ALL BETS ARE OFF say my nipples), but I’m definitely enjoying the time I have left to do this for her.

And that, my friends, is how you turn a quick update about work into paragraph upon paragraph about your damn funbags. Jesus Christ.

In other news, it seems Sadie is having a pretty decent time with Daddy today, no?

Photo 63

I know, Sadie. I told you he was awesome.


Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.

Like I Never Left Real Post Coming Soon!

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Chicago Friend of Said Turkey  |  June 5, 2009 at 2:06 pm

    the power of your personalities knows no limits.

  • 2. Lisa  |  June 5, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    hello! i’m mostly a lurker and i’m pregnant (due in september). i am very much enjoying your sadie posts. you know what else i would like? i would like to know what your must have baby items are (and what’s a waste of money).

  • 3. Sara  |  June 5, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    Lucky for sweet little Sadie that she doesn’t have to endure a time when those hairstyles are considered cool. I hope.

  • 4. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  June 5, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    When my son was 2 months old, he had a stricture in his esophagus that caused the milk to back up in his throat and he would aspirate it into his lungs. He was in the hospital for two weeks while they tried to figure it out and fix it. They made me stop nursing him; I pumped and they gave him the breast milk through a feeding tube straight into his stomach. I’ll NEVER forget the day they gave me permission to nurse again. It had been so hard to hold him because he wanted to nurse and didn’t know why he couldn’t, and I wanted to nurse instead of pump… anyway, when I was finally able to feed him again, he was nearly frantic as we “assumed the position” and he could hardly get latched on. And then once he did, you could just see all the tension leave his body. His body was just like one big sigh of relief. So… I hear you. THAT’s what it is.

  • 5. Leah  |  June 6, 2009 at 1:03 am

    Have you seen the “bitty” sketches from Little Britain? If not, Google and die laughing.

  • 6. MLE  |  June 10, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    this is one of those times that I kind of wish I had twitter just so I could respond and tell you that when I saw your most recent update I thought it said “Let’s go PENIS!”

  • 7. Miss Michelle  |  June 11, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    Ahhhh….she’s learned to smile! Or, is that just constipation in the last photo? (BTW, I mean your daughter, not Brad :))


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