“…they are so placid and self-contain’d…”

June 19, 2009 at 11:57 am 10 comments

Hello, Internet! Do you recognize the title of this post? It’s pretty random, I admit. It’s a snippet of one of my favorite poems from my favorite Santa-Claus-lookin’-rumored-to-be-geigh famous historical figure in literature. And it has come to mind lately due to some very UN-contain’d situations regarding Sadie, her new sleep schedule, and some very compromised diapers.

walt-whitman“Using my beautiful writing to describe your daughter’s assplosions? GEE THANKS.”

Yeah, it’s going to be one of those posts, my friends. But please read on! I need your help! With this, and with things non-feces-related!

See, Sadie has begun sleeping in much longer stretches through the night. Awesome, right?! The shrinking bags under my eyes sure think so! She goes down around 9pm or so, and sleeps until around 3am, at which point we apply boob and a clean diaper, then re-swaddle & rock back to sleep for another 3 hours or so.

onesieThe new sleep schedule – like this onesie – is TOTALLY RAD.

The problem is that she pretty much always wakes up from her long,  six hour stretch with a dry diaper, which she proceeds to dirty during her 3am feeding. And she started out being all, “OH, DIAPER! It’s been awhile!” about it, filling her diaper with, well, SIX HOURS worth of business. This meant that I would sometimes have to change her three times before re-swaddling, but hey – I am not one to deny my fellow man his or her enjoyment of a healthy poop. Or in this case, POOPS.

But over the past few days? She has been a bit more…conservative when it comes to the 3am diaper-filling. I usually just get some pee, which is scary, because I know the poo is there. Lurking. Watching. Waiting.

cuteDoes not like such scary stories.

Inevitably, the lack of 3am poo means that I will be wakened at around 6am by a virtual SYMPHONY of poo-related noises coming over the baby monitor. The first one? Makes Brad & I turn to each other and laugh. The second? Raises our eyebrows. The third (and beyond)? Makes us break out into a sweat and race into her room, knowing FULL WELL that we have a morning of spot-treating and laundry ahead of us. So basically, no 3am poo means she WAKES UP POOPING at 6am. WITH A VENGEANCE.


Yippie-ki-yay, fitted sheets!

The solution would be to ensure that she poops at 3am, but I can’t seem to make that happen. Nursing is the only surefire way to encourage a healthy dump, but if it ain’t happening, it ain’t happening. I also don’t want to wait it out, because 1) I don’t want to be up for two hours waiting for poop, and 2) I don’t want to encourage wide-awakeness for two hours in the middle of the night, thus fucking with the HEAVENLY AND AMAZING new sleep schedule.

To clarify, it’s not that her diapers can’t hold the bounty she brings forth – they can – it’s just that when she’s laying in her crib and squirming around in her usual squirmy waking-up routine, things tend to spill out the waistband and up her back. Short of duct-taping her waistband to her tender baby skin, WHAT SHOULD I DO? I am going crazy over here with the poop and the laundry and the constant washing of the ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY swaddling wrap that takes FOREVER to dry and is never ready in time for the afternoon nap!!!!1!!11!!!


Mama’s going crazy? EEEEXCELLENT.

Internet, I am turning to you for advice. Any thoughts? My last post yielded a very valuable suggestion from Shelli (we ordered our Miracle Blanket yesterday!) for which I was so grateful that I wanted to drive to New York City and kiss her on the mouth, although I’m quite certain her wife (HER WIFE!!) wouldn’t so much appreciate that. Is her morning assplosion just one of those things I’m going to have to endure until her little body regulates? I just hate having to drag that dirty onesie over her head at 6:30am while she’s squealing with hunger and doesn’t understand why I’m such a stickler about cleaning the feces off of her before offering up the boob.

OklahomaOh, what a beautiful mooooorniiiiiiin’…

Of course, this morning was the exception: she didn’t unleash until after her morning feeding, and everything was contained just fine. I imagine this was because today is when I am at work and Daddy is at home, and we wouldn’t subject Daddy to such indignities, OH HEAVENS NO. Save that for The One With The Boobs.


In all fairness, she did projectile poop on Daddy’s arm last weekend at 5am, so I think we’re even. In other news, with a face that cute, she can pretty much get away with anything.

And now for something completely different…

Internet, I know a very wonderful person, Rodger, who – if I may skip the sugar-coating – is dying right now. He’s struggled on and off with some particularly nasty cancer, and is now at the end of the road. He’s moving to hospice today so that he can be comfortable as he approaches the end. His spirits are up; I’ve heard that he’s still cracking jokes and looking forward to seeing the loved ones who passed on before him. This morning’s update from a mutual friend contained this small story that really touched me:

“And then there’s nurse Mona.  One night, when ‘the Susies’ [his bedsores] were particularly challenging, Rodger just decided to yell out.  And Mona, ‘a large woman with giant breasts,’ as Rodger describes her, came in and hugged him and said, ‘It’s okay, honey.  Men cry too.’ Rodger can’t stop talking about how fabulous it felt to be held against her ‘giant breasts’ for so long and how pillowy they were–all this with total naive wonder in his voice.   Rodger and his first big breast experience.”

This story got to me for a few reasons: knowing he’s in so much pain he couldn’t help but cry out, the image of a virtual stranger cradling his now tiny self in her arms, the fact that he recounted the story in a very Rodger-like way. It reminds me to be thankful for my health, and to appreciate every day I have with the people I love, and that there are still Monas in the world, despite the days when I think I am surrounded entirely by assholes.

I’m sharing this not to bring you down, but to hopefully make you smile – and to ask that you send a positive thought Rodger’s way. He was the brilliant director for three of the best shows I’d ever been a part of, and I can only hope Sadie will someday have such a loving and creative friend in her life.

Thanks, Internet.

bunnyYou are the plush bunny to my drooling mouth.


Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble, Thanksgiving.

Jive Turkey’s Guide To All The Essential Shit You Need If A Baby Is Fixin’ To Come Out The Ol’ Brewster Randomness

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Dana  |  June 19, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    maybe a cloth one for night time? We had to do that, bc E’s legs were so skinny.. Just a thought. We could put the diaper cover on nice and snug around his legs.
    No fun being pooped on all the time. Can she eat some solids (rice cereal) so her poo is not so liquidy? Firm poops are much more compliant.

  • 2. HoST  |  June 19, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    Yes, Rodger is an amazing human being. When he’s gone, the world will be much worse for the loss.

  • 3. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  June 20, 2009 at 12:30 am

    Oh, so sorry to hear about your Rodger. That story made me smile with a tear in my eye. I am sending him good vibes for a peaceful passing.

    Ok, now on to the poop. First of all, may I suggest a second swaddling blanket so that it doesn’t matter if the first one isn’t dry in time for the afternoon nap?

    The rice cereal is a good suggestion, but just be aware that it will also make her poops smellier. It is really sort of amazing how solid food or formula changes the poops.

    Other than that…. well, it’s been 12 years since I had a breast-fed newborn, so I can’t remember how we dealt with this problem. Probably just did a lot of laundry and waited until things regulated themselves.

  • 4. Kay  |  June 20, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    Duct tape and cellophane would be a bad suggestion…right?

  • 5. Sarah  |  June 20, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    A second wrap is a must. Also try swaddling her up with a cloth diaper between her back and her clothes. And I’m not so sure switching to cloth exclusively would be better (IMHO it’s easier to use cloth later when they aren’t pooping constantly).

    IMHO Introducing cereal/food now is not appropriate and would not solve the poop problem. For us rice cereal at 5.5 months actually deteriorated his sleep until his system figured out how to process everything!

    I’m sure this stage won’t last — just when you get used to something it changes. It’s the beauty of development.

  • 6. Nev  |  June 21, 2009 at 9:44 am

    …Can’t give suggestions about diapers and poop seeing as I’m 24, on the Pill and babyless; ergo, I haven’t got a clue. 😛

    I’m sorry to hear about Rodger. 😦
    It’s always heartwarming to hear when people remain positive under such circumstances – it’s testament to the man he is.

    I’m sending oodles of positive thoughts from the Great Southern Land…! May his remaining days be filled with laughter, his loved-ones, and comfort.

  • 7. Paige  |  June 23, 2009 at 2:09 am

    I want to be a nurse like Mona… 🙂

    I hope that your morning is a little less craptastic.

  • 8. The Constant C  |  June 23, 2009 at 9:38 am

    Cancer. Sucks. We have some cancer going on round these parts. Suuuuuucks. So. Very, very good thoughts going Rodger’s way. And seriously. Space in heaven for all hospice workers.

    As for the poop…. Arlo isn’t yet sleeping for vast stretches, and didn’t even begin doing that until after the pooping slowed down some. And I think things are maybe different in cloth? In other words: I have no wisdom for you. But sympathy. The few code red diapers we’ve had are no fun. No fun at all.

  • 9. Chicago Friend of Said Turkey  |  June 24, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    I’m sorry to hear about Rodger. And poop.

  • 10. hillary  |  June 25, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    I vote for duct tape but I’m not a mom…so…I got nothin’


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