Googlemania: SUPER HAPPY FUN CAFFEINATED EDITION YAY!!1!

July 20, 2009 at 10:46 am 5 comments

INTERNET! HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE COFFEE?! ESPECIALLY SINCE MY SLEEPING-THROUGH-THE-NIGHT BABY DECIDED TO START WAKING UP EVERY TWO HOURS?!? WE’RE THINKING IT’S PROBABLY A GROWTH SPURT BUT OH MY GOD WHO CARES BECAUSE THIS COFFEE IS FUCKING AMAAAAAAAAAZING YOU GUYS!!!!!!!

Drink_coffee_adHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

So, yeah, I’m a smidge tired today, what with the wakings and the clusterfeedings and the bruises from falling to my knees every ten minutes to pray to sweet gurgling baby Jesus that this is indeed a short growth spurt and not a months-long pattern.

smileI still maintain that this face is totally worth it, though, and that’s not just the coffee talking. Although the coffee IS talking, and my colon will second that emotion.

Anyway, I’m (obviously) a little fuzzy in the brain department this morning, so I offer up a little Googlemania for your reading pleasure. Thanks to 4th Reader for suggesting another installment, although I’m sad to report that the search terms haven’t been all that exciting this time around. I really had to dig to find anything remotely amusing amongst the DAILY Googlings for “Amelie”  and “Bo Duke” (seriously, my friends: does the world still need information about Amelie and them good ol’ Duke boys? Apparently so, says Google). So without further ado:

GOOGLEMANIA! YOU’LL LAUGH! YOU’LL CRY! YOU’LL FEAR FOR THE FUTURE OF THE HUMAN RACE!

  • “Fail” While I find it ever-so-affirming that Googling “fail” will bring you to my site, I have to question why people enter such generic shit into search engines. I think the “fail” Googler needs to take a lesson from:
  • “Funny lobster pictures.” Now HERE’S a Googler that knows what she’s looking for, although I still get gaggy at the mention of lobster (something I ate and then detested early in pregnancy), so I’m going to stop talking about it now. Blurgh.
  • “Hillbilly clock” I really hope such a clock exists, and I hope it chimes every hour on the hour with a different sound, like those bird call clocks. Just substitute the lilting melodies of the whippoorwill with the juicy crack of opening a Pabst, or perhaps the dulcet tones of Uncle Grandpa telling Skeeter to go fetch his snake-handlin’ hat.
  • “Old woman computer” Along the same lines of the hillbilly clock, I imagine this computer wears a polyester pantsuit, always has a Kleenex shoved up its sleeve, and doesn’t trust that young “ethnic” couple that moved in across the street.
  • “Cellular telephone” This was totally Googled by someone’s Mom. In 1998.
  • “Pissing “ As in “your time away”? Then you’ve come to the right place.
  • “Truth about postpartum body” I take great pleasure in the fact that this came right next to “fat Elvis” in the stats list.
  • “Sex dolls robots/dolls sex real robots” I’m just going to come out and say it: a robotic sex doll is just a tragic electrocution waiting to happen. Possibly one involving your genitals. Be careful out there.

And now, my personal favorite:

  • “Redbone fucking”

redbone

Please tell me that search was fruitless. PLEASE.

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Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.

People Who Need Smacked Nine Years

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. kristin  |  July 20, 2009 at 8:04 pm

    Someone found my site today by Googling “things im at least good at.” I think that someone could use a hug.

    Reply
  • 2. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  July 20, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    Jive Turkey loves me! And I love her. And she loves me for loving her and I love her for loving me. And that’s ’cause none of us got enough love in our childhoods. And that’s showbiz.

    Reply
  • 3. FoST  |  July 21, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    Hehe…Hillbilly Clock. I’m sure such a clock does exist if only in my childhood memories.

    Reply
  • 4. HoST  |  July 22, 2009 at 10:59 am

    OK, seriously. The “Redbone fucking” thing has me convulsing with laughter. That is the scariest thing ever. I have to try that search now. I may never return from the depths of the insanity to which I am driven by the results.

    Reply
  • 5. HoST  |  July 22, 2009 at 11:00 am

    I’m back. According to the Interwebs, a “red bone” is a light-skinned thick female. Thank god it’s not Leon Redbone. Thank god.

    Reply

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