Da Plane! Da Plane!

August 19, 2009 at 11:37 am 21 comments

Or, as I was screaming at 5:45 this morning, “Da poop! Da poop!” because SOMEONE in our household took it upon herself to POOP UP HER BACK ALL THE WAY TO HER SHOULDERS this morning, ruining so many articles of clothing and various other linens/coverings that I considering just burning the whole damn house down instead of cleaning it all.  So, Internet! If any of you have those rebellious teenagers I always see on Maury who are all “I want to have a baby and I don’t care if I’m 14!” please send them over to this paragraph so that I may remind them that CONDOMS ARE YOUR FRIEND unless you are really, truly ready to deal with a Shoulder Poop at 5:45am.

supercute(Which, as it turns out, I am. But only because girlfriend is so fucking cute.)

But this post isn’t about poop. Or the brand new onesie that I fear has gone to live with Jesus. Or the fact that my hair will not stop shedding because of this annoying postpartum hair loss BULLSHIT that Leah totally predicted in the comments of a recent post. This post is about a tattoo.

tattoo

And if this is the first thing you thought of when I said “tattoo,” then you, my friend, are thoroughly awesome.

I am already the owner of one tattoo (a small dragon on my left hip), but I am anxious to add another to the gallery. I want it to be tied to Sadie in some way. I think I have a design picked out, but I am going to be very annoying and not tell you about that because for some reason it feels very personal. Yes, the woman who talked about her Lady Parts for nine whole months (and beyond!) is suddenly being secretive. I don’t understand it either. BUT! What I will tell you is that I need your help in deciding where on my body I should get this tattoo. It’s going to be a pretty dainty, black-line design and will take up a relatively small amount of space (it’ll be about 2 inches long, 1.5 inches high, I think). I am leaning towards getting it on my left inner wrist. The only places I know for sure I don’t want it are on my right hip, upper boob, or, you know, my FACE or something crazy like that.

mike-tyson

Just sayin’.

I think I’ve also ruled out getting it on my side/near my waist since it’s going to be so small, and, as Brad pointed out the other night, “Megan Fox has a tattoo around her side, but it’s words, and I think you need something long like that in order for it to look right.” And that was very cute, because he was actually asserting that I could not pull off Megan Fox’s tattoo location because of my tattoo design, not because of the real reason, which is that I AM NOT MEGAN FOX.

megan-fox

Exhibit A

nerd

Exhibit B

So, Internet: IDEAS? OPINIONS?

I understand if tattoos skeeve you out and are totally not your thing – and in the interest of full disclosure, I am pretty sure I would flip the fuck out if Sadie got a tattoo on that PERFECT AMAZING SKIN I was so nice to grow for her, because I am a hypocrite. I think I will mellow out about this once she gets older, but right now? Seriously, Internet, infant skin is so impossibly flawless. I had no idea. I can’t remember who said it (I think it was Amalah), but if you really want to give yourself a not-very-nice shock, put your face next to a baby’s and look closely into the mirror.

crypt

For real.

Oh, and once I pull the trigger and actually GET the tattoo, I will totally take a picture and share it with you. Although I have a sneaking suspicion that most of your comments will be to the tune of “We can’t tell you where to get it if you don’t tell us what it is!” which…FINE. Here you go.

unicornsChaaaaaaaaarliiiiiiie!

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Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.

Out and About 100 Things, Two Announcements, And One Big-Ass Coincidence

21 Comments Add your own

  • 1. kristin  |  August 19, 2009 at 12:01 pm

    For a second I thought you were maybe considering getting both you and Sadie matching tattoos. Horrifying thought.

    Reply
  • 2. HoST  |  August 19, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    You’re EVERY BIT as hot as Megan Fox. And you could totally pull off a side tattoo. Whatevs.

    Reply
  • 3. hillary  |  August 19, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Are you opposed to feet tattoos? I have one on my foot/ankle area. People told me that feet tattoos hurt like a motherfucker but the only time it was unbearable was when the tattoo guy hit my ankle bone. The tattoo I have down my spine, however, hurt like I cannot describe. I’ve been debating an inner wrist tattoo for a while … I haven’t been able to commit yet. Somehow the thought of having a tattoo I could potentially tire of in such a noticeable place is making me hesitate.

    Reply
  • 4. Alyce  |  August 19, 2009 at 12:45 pm

    I *love* inner-wrist tattoos. For one of that size, I think it’s an excellent location.
    In fact, I can’t think of a better place. And I’m covered with tattoos, so I’ve thought about a lot of places for them…

    Reply
  • 5. Mermanda  |  August 19, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    Hey! Thanks for finding my blog. Hillary is one of my most favorite people in the entire world… but I have not had the pleasure of meeting her in person yet. IT IS ONE OF MY LIFE GOALS. Anywhoodle, I looked through a few of your flicker pics and you look a lot like my fiance’s ex girlfriend. And funny story. I did a double take this afternoon because a girl who looked just like my fiance’s ex girlfriend walked past me. Were you on Craig Street around 1:45 p.m. today? If so, that’s some freaky stuff! Such a small world.

    Reply
    • 6. jiveturkey  |  August 19, 2009 at 3:10 pm

      HA! That was TOTALLY ME.

      Reply
  • 7. Amy  |  August 19, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    I went the piercing route years ago and refrained from tattoos (I have a very low threshold for pain), so I will leave it to your other readers for advice on placement.

    The baby blowouts, though? That we can talk about. Wait until Sadie has one in the car and it gets all over her infant seat. If you haven’t already, invest in some serious car cleaners and hopefully the smell of death will fade in time.

    Reply
    • 8. jiveturkey  |  August 19, 2009 at 4:31 pm

      AMY. I am pretending I didn’t just read that.

      Reply
  • 9. MLE  |  August 19, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    I know a few people who have them in the upper back/shoulder blade region and I think that’s a good spot, though you might want to put it somewhere you’re more likely to see it.

    Now I am insanely curious what said tattoo is going to be.

    Reply
    • 10. jiveturkey  |  August 19, 2009 at 4:32 pm

      Yeah, I kind of want it where I can see it, otherwise I would go the upper back route.

      Reply
  • 11. Daughter of 4th Reader  |  August 19, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    My friend Raven has a small blue dotted-line star above her collarbone, but doesn’t sound like that’ll work for what you’ve got in mind. What about yer upper arm, like a sailor? (:

    Reply
  • 12. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  August 19, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    Ok, first of all, I fucking love that the pink horse in that tat is smoking. Also, did it remind anyone else of Planet Unicorn? Cuz it did me a little bit.

    Second, about the placement, for some reason I can not imagine myself ever getting a tattoo, but I think I like your idea for the placement best. Somehow I just don’t like the idea of really really visible tattoos unless you really go whole hog and just ink your entire body.

    Third – I’ll bet if we saw Megan Fox’s 8th grade picture it would look substantially similar to yours.

    Reply
  • 13. Constantina  |  August 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    I got nuthin. But, you know, I tried.

    Reply
  • 14. Meg  |  August 20, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    I really like calf tattoos right now.
    Also, if your design is 12 inches long, it might actually work on your side? I think long tattoos are appropriate for your flank.

    Reply
  • 15. Nel  |  August 20, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    WRIST!

    I have one in the exact same place as you right now and I have been dying to get on my inner wrist. I was thinking white ink so that it wouldn’t be that noticeable at work. I still can’t decide what to get yet…

    We want pics!

    Reply
  • 16. Kelly  |  August 20, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    So I just found your blog through Amalah…and not to sound stalker-ish or weird or anything, but we would totally be friends if you lived in Boulder, CO. If not for the same feeling of still seeing yourself in 8th grade but holy shit, I’m a MOM, I’m a mom? For real? Or the F-bomb thing. But also my little nugget was also born in April and surprisingly looks like YOUR little nugget, but in boy form of course…..and that’s why I think Sadie is freaking adorable…and I’m totally not one of those baby people….and I’m totally not sucking up.

    Tattoos, I have 4 of them and my most favorite spot is on the back of my neck. It’s about 2 inches long, didn’t hurt that much and you don’t have to see it all the time. But it’s intriguing and it’s there and it’s pretty bad ass (my mom hates it). I’ve got one on my foot and I definitely think they need to be more prominent if you’re going to get one there, but another great place none the less.

    My two cents…because you asked.

    Reply
  • 17. Chicago Friend of Said Turkey  |  August 21, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    I like inner wrist and I also like back of your neck. I vote for Sadie ON a unicorn.

    Reply
    • 18. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  August 22, 2009 at 12:12 am

      HA!

      Reply
  • 19. Daughter of 4th Reader  |  August 22, 2009 at 3:52 am

    Also, Megan Fox’s breasts don’t even look attached to her body in that picture. Just sayin’.

    Reply
    • 20. jiveturkey  |  August 22, 2009 at 11:52 am

      OMG I KNOW.

      Reply
  • 21. Josh  |  August 24, 2009 at 9:55 am

    I think you should get Sadie, with her face scrunched up and arms and legs tucked in like a little rocket with a poo rocket blast lifting her off the ground…. also, musical notes around her bum, like she’s makin’ a rocket symphony of farts…. and you should get it on your arm.

    It should be small, and you should show her dates in High School, all while telling them to be home early and to remember to leave the windows down cuz she still has that problem.

    Im kidding, of course.

    Reply

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