Da Plane! Da Plane!
Or, as I was screaming at 5:45 this morning, “Da poop! Da poop!” because SOMEONE in our household took it upon herself to POOP UP HER BACK ALL THE WAY TO HER SHOULDERS this morning, ruining so many articles of clothing and various other linens/coverings that I considering just burning the whole damn house down instead of cleaning it all. So, Internet! If any of you have those rebellious teenagers I always see on Maury who are all “I want to have a baby and I don’t care if I’m 14!” please send them over to this paragraph so that I may remind them that CONDOMS ARE YOUR FRIEND unless you are really, truly ready to deal with a Shoulder Poop at 5:45am.
(Which, as it turns out, I am. But only because girlfriend is so fucking cute.)
But this post isn’t about poop. Or the brand new onesie that I fear has gone to live with Jesus. Or the fact that my hair will not stop shedding because of this annoying postpartum hair loss BULLSHIT that Leah totally predicted in the comments of a recent post. This post is about a tattoo.
And if this is the first thing you thought of when I said “tattoo,” then you, my friend, are thoroughly awesome.
I am already the owner of one tattoo (a small dragon on my left hip), but I am anxious to add another to the gallery. I want it to be tied to Sadie in some way. I think I have a design picked out, but I am going to be very annoying and not tell you about that because for some reason it feels very personal. Yes, the woman who talked about her Lady Parts for nine whole months (and beyond!) is suddenly being secretive. I don’t understand it either. BUT! What I will tell you is that I need your help in deciding where on my body I should get this tattoo. It’s going to be a pretty dainty, black-line design and will take up a relatively small amount of space (it’ll be about 2 inches long, 1.5 inches high, I think). I am leaning towards getting it on my left inner wrist. The only places I know for sure I don’t want it are on my right hip, upper boob, or, you know, my FACE or something crazy like that.
I think I’ve also ruled out getting it on my side/near my waist since it’s going to be so small, and, as Brad pointed out the other night, “Megan Fox has a tattoo around her side, but it’s words, and I think you need something long like that in order for it to look right.” And that was very cute, because he was actually asserting that I could not pull off Megan Fox’s tattoo location because of my tattoo design, not because of the real reason, which is that I AM NOT MEGAN FOX.
So, Internet: IDEAS? OPINIONS?
I understand if tattoos skeeve you out and are totally not your thing – and in the interest of full disclosure, I am pretty sure I would flip the fuck out if Sadie got a tattoo on that PERFECT AMAZING SKIN I was so nice to grow for her, because I am a hypocrite. I think I will mellow out about this once she gets older, but right now? Seriously, Internet, infant skin is so impossibly flawless. I had no idea. I can’t remember who said it (I think it was Amalah), but if you really want to give yourself a not-very-nice shock, put your face next to a baby’s and look closely into the mirror.
Oh, and once I pull the trigger and actually GET the tattoo, I will totally take a picture and share it with you. Although I have a sneaking suspicion that most of your comments will be to the tune of “We can’t tell you where to get it if you don’t tell us what it is!” which…FINE. Here you go.
Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.