PAY IT FORWARD: Sisterhood of the Butterfly
Welcome to the very first edition of “PAY IT FORWARD,” where we feature, deconstruct, and piss all over the stupid shit people forward to our inboxes. This week’s email features everyones favorite insect, the beautiful butterfly. Speaking of butterflies, remember that song “Butterfly Kisses?” Yeah, I might just hate that more than “The Christmas Shoes.”
If you like that song, please consider that it is sung by this man. Fucker looks like a serial killer. Probably has a jar of eyelashes rolling around in the trunk of his car. Think about THAT the next time you’re subjected to this song at a wedding reception.
Today’s forward is brought to you courtesy of the lovely Hillary, who received the email from her mother in the spirit of passive aggressive “LOVE YOUR SISTER, EVEN WHEN SHE’S BEING A TOTAL DOUCHE”-ness. Ooo! An email forward with a [poorly] hidden agenda? I love it.
Let’s begin (my comments in italics):
I never thought I’d say this, but I think I actually prefer the Traveling Pants.
OK, so this butterfly (and all the butterflies in this forward) actually sparkle and glisten with – I don’t know – special butterfly magic or something, thanks to the fine folks at glitterfy.com. But try as I might, I could not successfully upload the butterflies in all their twinkling MySpace glory (and, honestly, I wasn’t willing to spend more than five minutes of my life trying to figure it out). ANYWAY, wouldn’t it be nice if that oh-so-lovely butterfly image above truly said it all? Alas, it did not. Let’s continue.
…subjects and verbs agree, ellipses are abused……facts are listed, Jive Turkey nods off…
Oh, NOW we’re getting somewhere. DAMN THOSE MEN! With the not doing what they’re supposed to and such!
Way to bring down the room, forward. Jesus Christ. I am now left to contemplate death and heartbreak under the PIERCING STARE of a glittering butterfly.
“A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach…” Nope, still doesn’t make any fucking sense.
Just to clarify, when you walk the lonesome valley, you will have to walk the lonesome valley alone and by yourself. Also, was anyone else reminded of Pulp Fiction at this point? I think we need a little SLJ to cleanse the palate.
Aaaah. Much better.
Wait…but, I thought…don’t you have to walk the lonesome valley alone when you are walking it by yourself? What kind of valley is it now? I’M SO CONFUSED. MEN AREN’T DOING WHAT THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO.
That’s “extended family with vaginas,” just so we’re clear.
Who the fuck is “I”? And no, the world wouldn’t be the same without women because the fucking species would have died off, saving us all from having to read this horseshit. But, you know, nice try at introspection and whatnot.
What – no incentive?
That’s more like it.
So – did it work? Do you all love your sisters now? Have you forgiven all their supreme asshole moves? Are you afraid that clicking on the glitterfy link will give you a mild seizure? Then my work here is done.
Oh, and I got my reading glasses. Am just thrilled about them.
And speaking of blurry cameraphone pics…
EDITED TO ADD: OK, so, that butterfly? The sparkling one in the post before this one? Is a result of my experimenting with Glitterfy.com’s upload feature HOURS AGO when I was working on this post. And now it’s just a sad, confusing, glittery little entry all on its own. I don’t have the heart to delete it, so enjoy.
Entry filed under: PAY IT FORWARD!.