PAY IT FORWARD: Don’t Make Me Have To Hit A Bitch

October 7, 2009 at 4:56 pm 6 comments

Today’s installment is violent, Internet. You may want to have the children leave the room. Although if your kids are normally in the room when you read this blog, you probably don’t have much to worry about.


I was doing an image search for misbehaving children when I found this, and proceeded to laugh for six solid minutes. Miniature John Madden ANGRY! GRRRR! Give me more Sprite!

This forward comes courtesy of Cedar, who received the email from a well-meaning friend (AREN’T THEY ALL), who I’m sure has no idea her good intentions are about to be smeared all to hell on my blog. Let’s begin! (my comments in italics)

Subject line: Fwd: In Honor of

Oh no. A sentence fragment. We are already in trouble.


Well. This is pretty! I love roses. How nice.

been hit

Huh? Or rather…ow? What the fuck, forward?

hit2Whoa whoa whoa WAIT A SECOND: If I am reading this convoluted, English-as-a-second-or-possibly-fourth-language paragraph correctly, I’ve been HIT because I’m PRETTY and KIND? What kind of crazy Ike-and-Tina bullshit is this?


GREAT. Now you’ve made Ike mad.

(Oh, and that last image was not part of the forward. Although I wish it had been.)


Yeah: Pretty ladies. Kind, warm, loving hearts. I GET IT.


One person? Surely you mean one pretty lady with a kind, warm, and loving heart. Are we done here?


Oh, of course not. Anything else?


Now cancer is hitting pretty ladies? I thought I was supposed to hit pretty ladies! And then if they hit me back I know I am a pretty lady, and also have a kind, warm and loving heart! That is also pretty! WAIT A SECOND: all this “pretty lady” talk has me convinced I know who wrote this forward:


Licensed Joyologist Helen Madden!

(Also: Jackie Chan in a wig. But mostly: HELEN MADDEN!)

(And if you don’t remember/never saw this sketch, I apologize. But she said “pretty lady” a lot. And now I have beaten my own joke to death. It may also have been struck by cancer.)


Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.

Guest Post: Crappy Halloween Costume-A-Rama! Over The Top

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  October 7, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    There’s an awful lot of glittering going on in your blog lately. Just sayin’.

  • 2. Daughter of 4th Reader  |  October 7, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    Wait, so if you are hit and/or hit others, you’re spreading cancer?

  • 3. Marcy  |  October 7, 2009 at 10:53 pm

    Who comes up with this crap? Oh wait… a pretty lady with a kind loving heart.

  • 4. Kylan  |  October 8, 2009 at 9:51 am

    Being a pretty lady sounds a bit over-rated… And scary.

  • 5. Cedar  |  October 8, 2009 at 10:10 am

    Oh my god, I feel so much better! That forward made me so irratioanlly angry but your commentary made it all better. Ahhh, I needed that.

  • 6. FoST  |  October 8, 2009 at 11:59 am

    Ok crazy (pretty) lady.


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