PAY IT FORWARD: Don’t Make Me Have To Hit A Bitch
Today’s installment is violent, Internet. You may want to have the children leave the room. Although if your kids are normally in the room when you read this blog, you probably don’t have much to worry about.
I was doing an image search for misbehaving children when I found this, and proceeded to laugh for six solid minutes. Miniature John Madden ANGRY! GRRRR! Give me more Sprite!
This forward comes courtesy of Cedar, who received the email from a well-meaning friend (AREN’T THEY ALL), who I’m sure has no idea her good intentions are about to be smeared all to hell on my blog. Let’s begin! (my comments in italics)
Subject line: Fwd: In Honor of
Oh no. A sentence fragment. We are already in trouble.
Well. This is pretty! I love roses. How nice.
Huh? Or rather…ow? What the fuck, forward?
Whoa whoa whoa WAIT A SECOND: If I am reading this convoluted, English-as-a-second-or-possibly-fourth-language paragraph correctly, I’ve been HIT because I’m PRETTY and KIND? What kind of crazy Ike-and-Tina bullshit is this?
GREAT. Now you’ve made Ike mad.
(Oh, and that last image was not part of the forward. Although I wish it had been.)
Yeah: Pretty ladies. Kind, warm, loving hearts. I GET IT.
One person? Surely you mean one pretty lady with a kind, warm, and loving heart. Are we done here?
Oh, of course not. Anything else?
Now cancer is hitting pretty ladies? I thought I was supposed to hit pretty ladies! And then if they hit me back I know I am a pretty lady, and also have a kind, warm and loving heart! That is also pretty! WAIT A SECOND: all this “pretty lady” talk has me convinced I know who wrote this forward:
Licensed Joyologist Helen Madden!
(Also: Jackie Chan in a wig. But mostly: HELEN MADDEN!)
(And if you don’t remember/never saw this sketch, I apologize. But she said “pretty lady” a lot. And now I have beaten my own joke to death. It may also have been struck by cancer.)
Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.