Cheers & Jeers: I Am Actually Relieved It’s Monday Edition
You know how sometimes you’ll dread something for weeks and weeks, constantly visualizing the worst-case scenarios that will SURELY come about, and bemoaning each day that brings you closer to The Suck…and then it ends up being not nearly as bad as you’d feared? Yeah. That was not this weekend.
Let me first dial back the drama a bit and admit that HELL YES, things could have been MUCH WORSE, but this is Cheers & Jeers, not “Cheers & Oh Well, Count Your Blessings,” so let us say FUCK THAT and proceed.
- The four (FOUR!) shots Sadie received at her 6-month appointment on Friday, and the subsequent Unhappy and Feverish-ness that followed…
- …that morphed into another damn cold…
- …that she was kind enough to share with me.
- The 8+ hours spent driving to and from WV this weekend, and the stupid fucking truck driver that almost ran us off the road last night. Hey, I know it’s hard to stay awake between blow-joys at the truck stop, but I’d really rather not die in rural Pennsylvania unless it’s tied in with someone’s really kick-ass Rumspringa.
- The FAMILY DRAMA BULLSHIT we encountered over the weekend, which GEE! I am so glad to have shoved my sick baby in a car seat and dragged her ass across state lines just to be faced with such infuriating jackassery. I actually toyed with the idea of writing an entire post on this Cirque de FUCKED UP, but 1) I already have lovely friends and family to rant to about it, 2) it would likely bore you all to tears, and 3) it is – beneath all the bullshit – rather sad, and I don’t blog to discuss sad things; I blog as an outlet for my profanity-laced tirades about email forwards. Oh, and as an excuse to post cute-ass baby pictures.
- But I will say that if you claim you have let something go but then hold a grudge about it, bring it up at every occasion, and also give me the silent treatment, then that is a big “letting it go” FAIL.
- Also want to share real quick-like that my baby will not 1) burn in the eternal fires of hell, 2) grow up to be a serial killer, or 3) be otherwise scarred because we have decided not to baptize her.
(I suppose buying this costume for Sadie would be in poor taste.)
(Brad: I totally want to buy this costume for Sadie now .)
- It was 28 degrees out this morning. I would cry, but it seems my tear ducts have frozen.
- Also frozen: my whore basil plant. Before I got around to making the homemade pesto I have been talking about making since whore July.
- The extra outfit for Sadie that is currently in my purse instead of in her bin at daycare, because her memory-of-a-housefly-havin’ mother totally flaked and forgot to put it in there. This all but guarantees she will have a huge, clothes-destroying diaper blowout, and her caregivers will be forced to clothe her in a onesie made out of construction paper. Add this to the fact that I kept forgetting to bring diapers and formula last week, and I can pretty much guarantee that my picture is on their corkboard next to the number for CPS.
- The non-injection portion of Sadie’s 6 month checkup, during which our 16lb, 26.5-inch long bundle of chubby cheeks was declared healthy and “the most laid-back 6-month old [the doctor had] ever seen.” Upon hearing this, Brad and I experienced the exact same thought process:
- PRIDE! Our daughter is the David Wooderson of 6-month-olds!
- CONFUSION! Surely this is not our child!
- PANIC! OH GOD, we are totally going to screw her up with our mountains of neuroses!
- We’re going out for a (long overdue) dinner with FoST and husband this week, and I am looking forward to catching up, eating some yummy Thai food, and watching the World’s Most Laid Back Baby renounce her title when she realizes that hey, it’s bedtime and I AM NOT IN BED.
- Getaway weekend approacheth! Please, immune system, fight off this damn cold by then, and do not allow any more viral interlopers. I need to be healthy to truly enjoy a weekend of drinking and sloth.
- No groceries in the house = I get to buy my lunch today = tofu from Asian place down the street = because I can never prepare tofu at home worth a damn.
- This guy and this girl:
Weathering awkward family visits since 2009
Entry filed under: Taste my Backhand.