Germ Warfare

October 21, 2009 at 12:23 pm 17 comments

Internet, I am sick.  I have not been this sick in more than two years thanks to obsessive-compulsive handwashing, awesome prenatal vitamins and having no previous reason to see the inside of a daycare, and I am not handling it well.


Hey look! It’s me getting out of bed this morning.

I am well aware that I am being a whiny asshole about a cold that my infant daughter has weathered without missing a damn beat, but…WAH. Getting sick after coming off the World’s Most Un-Relaxing Weekend was really a kick in the nuts I did not need right now, especially because “right now” is also the time in which I need to do about 56,234 other things, NONE OF WHICH are actually getting accomplished because my head feels like a fucking medicine ball.

medicine ballI could really go for a ball of medicine right about now. Or bourbon. Whichever.

I am a firm believer in staying the fuck home from work whenever illness rears its phlegmy head, but it seems I have a whopping THREE HOURS of sick time left to take between now and the end of 2009, so…yeah. Off to work for me. Not like staying at home would have been that much better: the only food we have in the house is a frozen pie shell and some fucking barbecue sauce.

hubbardGettin’ our Hubbard on.

I have no choice but to go to the store tonight (to buy food I can’t taste! WEEE!) while Brad stays home and tries to make a dent in the housecleaning and laundry because O HAI, we are leaving in a couple days for our first weekend trip sans-baby, and did I mention that Brad is also sick? Because he is. Because apparently getting viral fucking meningitis won’t stop the universe from slapping a cold on top of that shit for good measure. I am just really hoping we all feel better by Friday and that we don’t spend our precious weekend away coating each other in Vick’s Vapo-Rub.


Um. So. I was going to make a joke about how coating each other in Vapo-Rub sounds kind of dirty, but then I found this. Is Vapo-Rub used for weird sex things? Because if so, I feel pretty old for being behind the curve on this, and also, that seems like a good way to get a particularly hellacious UTI.

We’re also concerned that something ELSE is wrong with Sadie today, as she was uncharacteristically crabby this morning and has been yanking on her ear, which can be an indication of teething or an ear infection or – my all-time vague favorite – NOTHING!  We told the daycare ladies to let us know if she seems to get worse, and if so, Brad will have to take her to the doctor (sans me, because of my fuck-ass lack of sick time – most of which I had to blow through in order to get some semblance of a paycheck during my maternity leave because apparently having a baby means you are sick BUT DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED).

Wow. Sorry about all the complaining, Internet. I am working on a much more entertaining Pay It Forward for you, but I guess I just needed to get some things out of my system (in addition to the many things that are currently being expelled from my system via Kleenex and the occasional sleeve). I keep trying to remind myself that – as always – things could be much worse. I am just really looking forward to a week when Brad and I have more to talk about than the awful diseases the Internet has convinced us our daughter has contracted.

whoopingcraneThis week? We were convinced she had whooping cough. Like, keep your gross cough to yourself, you fucking crane!

Oh, and thank you for all your awesome comments on my last post. The upside of being sick is that I am far too distracted by my leaky head to give a rat’s ass about who’s angry at who. Who is even paler than normal, has a chest full of congestion and has ceased to care?




Entry filed under: Taste my Backhand.

Cheers & Jeers: I Am Actually Relieved It’s Monday Edition Show Me That Smile Again

17 Comments Add your own

  • 1. kristin @ going country  |  October 21, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    BOOOOO. Sorry. Really. Sitting at work when sick is a special kind of hell. But you’ll feel better by this weekend. Happy thoughts . . .

  • 2. HoST  |  October 21, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    JT, you look beautiful, even with a red nose and puffy eyes!

  • 3. HoST  |  October 21, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    Also, I wanna’ Vicks you all over.

    • 4. jiveturkey  |  October 21, 2009 at 2:31 pm

      ‘Til the night closes in?

    • 5. SF Reader  |  October 21, 2009 at 5:53 pm

      Really, dude? Keep it to yourself. This here is the internet. Where decent, respectful-like folk live.

  • 6. hillary  |  October 21, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    I hope you all feel better soon

  • 7. Chicago Friend of Said Turkey  |  October 21, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    feel better, jt!

  • 8. Mermanda  |  October 21, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    Sorry you are sick. Your family is getting hit hard this season. Maybe ya’ll need to drink more orange juice?

    Anyhow, I think I’m getting sick too. At least it waited till after the wedding. I too have almost negative sick time left. Boo.

  • 9. Amy  |  October 21, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    It’s some kind of twisted joke that our kids are sick for about 7 days, but when they pass it to us, we are screwed for about a month. Just in time for the next sickness to hit.

  • 10. MLE  |  October 21, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    I think the universe has terrible timing and hope everyone in your household is sans illness soon!

  • 11. ponygirl  |  October 21, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    Oh man. Sending vibes to all the Turkeys.

    • 12. ponygirl  |  October 21, 2009 at 8:13 pm

      Or, you know. Healing vibes. But I guess any vibes are okay.

  • 13. Marcy  |  October 21, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    I feel your pain. I had my daughter in Jan. of this year so I have exactly 5 hours of vacation time left. It sucks. Apparently we should move to Denmark. They get a 6-12 mos of paid maternity leave. Someone needs to give Obama a heads up on this… Anyhoo, get well soon!

  • 14. Marilyn  |  October 22, 2009 at 12:22 am

    Boo-being sick is not fun. Yikes – I’m thinking vaporub sex would be all kinds of painful.

  • 15. Tara  |  October 22, 2009 at 2:46 am

    Hi there-so sorry you are feeling crappy! I would send internet hugs but I don’t want to catch it 😉
    IF you get the chance, chuck some peeled and chopped fresh ginger, a couple of teaspoons of lemon juice, about a teaspoon of honey and as much bourbon/brandy/whiskey as you like in a coffee mug. Fill with boiling water, stir and sip. Better if you’ve had a nice hot bath/shower and are in fluffy pj’s.
    HOWEVER-you also have sick hubby and baby so straight bourbon is probably the way to go.
    Feel better soon!
    Cough on co-workers! Make the Boss feel sorry for you! Drop hints about swine-flu! (Maybe they’ll send you home to stop anyone else catching it!)

  • 16. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  October 22, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    That last picture of you just made me go “Awwwwww.” Get better soon – Friday’s almost here.

  • 17. the new girl  |  November 3, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    I actually KNOW about the Vicks.

    Extacy-Popping Ravers huff Vicks. Apparently, it does something good for their high or whatevs. They even have masks and shit they wear…lmao.

    I only know b/c I huffed Vicks on the reg while pregnant (don’t ask) and wrote a post about it and then got a bazillion hits from the 20-something-stoner set. I can only imagine their disappointment.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed

Pittsburgh Bloggers


Whatchu Twitterin’, Jive Turkey?



I'm Gonna Git You, Flicka!

%d bloggers like this: