November 20, 2009 at 12:14 pm 12 comments

That’s what they call shots at our pediatrician’s office, and that’s what Sadie is getting one of today. And I won’t be there to comfort her, because I have no more sick time. Let me just repeat that: I HAVE NO MORE SICK TIME, meaning that last Friday when my lower intestine was attempting to escape from my body, I HAD TO TAKE A VACATION DAY.

I don’t have the strength to peel myself up off the bathroom floor, YAAAAY! Who wants tacos?!

It’s just one shot – her second dose of the seasonal flu vaccine – so I’m hoping there will only be a fraction of the misery and woe we usually experience when she gets a full round of inoculations. The bitch of it is we’re going to spend the better part of our Saturday driving an hour north of the city in an attempt to get Sadie an H1N1 shot, which is pretty much on par with unicorns as far as being able to track one of the elusive fuckers down.

Anyone else find it ironic that a horse with a giant phallus on its head can only be captured by a virgin? Stupid virgin. Like she’d even know what to do with it.

Brad & I were able to get the H1N1 vaccine mist a few weeks ago, so we’re really hoping we can get Sadie taken care of as well. I’m not going to go into the whole vaccine debate here (that is, after all, what Facebook is for), I am only going to say:

  • Every parent is entitled to their own opinion and has the right (and responsibility) to make an informed decision on behalf of their child;
  • An “informed decision” means you have read actual scientific and medical findings and talked to your doctor;
  • It does not mean “Jenny McCarthy.”

I mean, you know. JUST SAYING.

I also have an acquaintance who got H1N1 this June, and it turned into a horrific situation involving words like “coma” and “ventilator,” and yes, I realize this could have happened with any flu strain, which is why we’re choosing to inoculate against all of it. Totally understand if you don’t wanna go that way, but when it comes to the other stuff, I have to admit I’m really not stoked at the prospect of polio staging a comeback.

Don’t call it a comeback! Call it…infantile paralysis. Holla?

Also on the docket for this weekend: DATE NIGHT! Woo! Yes, were having an impromptu date night thrust upon us (uh, yeah, you really had to twist my arm to take it) by FoST, who put her foot down and was all I WANT TO BABYSIT YOUR ADORABLE CHILD. PLEASE GO AWAY.

Dear FoST: REST UP. You will be doing nothing but prying cords out of her hands all night long. Dear Fisher Price: save yourself some time and just start selling dusty cat-hair-coated cords.

We’re taking advantage of this opportunity to (FINALLY) go see The Little Foxes, one of Brad’s favorite plays.

And every time I talk about the play, I inexplicably have to pronounce “foxes” like these guys. FOX-EZZZZ! With their big A-mur-can breasts!

In other news, yesterday at daycare Sadie had her first “Ouch Report,” which is pretty much exactly what you think it is. She bonked her head on the edge of a bookshelf while trying to pull herself up (she is PERPETUALLY trying to pull herself up), so we got sent home with a full written account of the incident and a daughter with a small, angry knot on the side of her head. The situation was made worse by the fact that when we arrived to pick her up, she got so excited she accidentally face-planted on a plastic toy in her hurry to crawl over to us.

Uh, so, I was going to make a joke about getting her a helmet, but I guess (AND SHOULD HAVE KNOWN) that baby helmets are actually real. I’m a neurotic mess of a parent and all, but I’m sorry: I DRAW THE LINE AT OLD-TIMEY FOOTBALL HELMETS FOR TODDLERS. I honestly can’t stop laughing at that poor kid in the picture. What a douche.

Alright. Now that I’ve called someone’s baby a douche, I think it’s probably time to wrap this up.

Those teeth are exceedingly nervous that they will meet their end on an Ouch Report. I don’t blame them.


Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.

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12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. amy  |  November 20, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    I got my baby (He’ll be one on Turkey day) the first H1N1 shot (& he is in que for the second one on the 30th) But I can not find one for me…

    My sone loves those cat hair covered cords too. & He prefers cat toys to his human toys…

  • 2. hillary  |  November 20, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    that helmet-wearing baby IS a douche

  • 3. Swistle  |  November 20, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    Got tears of love in my eyes over your definition of an informed decision.

    Then when you called someone’s baby a douche, I laughed so hard and so suddenly, I started coughing and hacking on my own inhaled spit. I’m sorry, I don’t have an emoticon for that.

  • 4. Shelli  |  November 20, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    Just wait till she figures out that she can CHEW said cords. And the moment you take them away? POUT face.

    Ah, the “hamdemic vaccine.” you should make it an excuse to cone to NYC. I’m just sayin’… 😉

  • 5. Kerry  |  November 20, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    AHAHAHA poor baby douche.

  • 6. Amy  |  November 20, 2009 at 11:14 pm

    I’m probably treading on very thin ice, but….I think parents who don’t vaccinate their kids are douches. It just falls in line with this hippie-dippie, I need to be my child’s best friend way of child-rearing these days.

    I met a woman who had a 3 year old boy and she was SO upset that everyone kept thinking he was a girl. But, um, his name was Morgan, and he had super long hair. She explained that, “she’s not going to cut it without his permission. Out of respect.”


    • 7. Marcy  |  November 21, 2009 at 2:06 pm

      I completely agree with you Amy.

  • 8. SF Reader  |  November 21, 2009 at 1:19 am

    That last picture of Sadie is so cute I can barely stand it! Ayayay.

  • 9. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  November 21, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    When Son of 4th Reader was about a year old, he did fall over and knocked out one of his baby teeth. About a year later, the dentist wanted to put in a spacer tooth so his other teeth didn’t get all messed up. Son, who was going through a large-machinery-phase at the time, immediately named said fake tooth “John Deere.”

  • 10. FoST  |  November 23, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    Alas I did not have to pry too much from baby’s hands…but did have to explain the strange man in her house is actually my husband and not a terrifying horn-growing demon…as baby’s cries would indicate. Thanks for letting us watch her – it was AWESOME and so much fun!

    • 11. jiveturkey  |  November 23, 2009 at 2:19 pm

      She had a great time – she told me so his morning. Actually, she said “BA-BA-BA-BA!” but it was IMPLIED.

  • 12. Mermanda  |  December 1, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    I want to thank you for the close call. My boss very narrowly missed seeing a pooping jenny mcarthy on my work computer screen. yikes.


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