January 15, 2010 at 11:15 am 18 comments

Last night, we loaned our infant car seat, swing, and bouncy seat to a couple expecting their first in the spring.  A couple of weeks ago, I gave away my entire stash of maternity clothes. I shall now become pregnant again immediately.

I did, however, keep the shirt I am wearing in this picture for nostalgia’s sake, because when I bought it, it was the only shirt in the entire fucking maternity store that would fit over my belly, for the love of ass.

I was going to write an entire entry about the possibility of me going through the whole Vagina & Pony Show of pregnancy again, but…I kind of don’t feel ready to talk about it. Mostly because I don’t even feel ready to think about it. I take this to mean I’m not anywhere near ready to make a decision about it. I shall now become pregnant again immediately.


Being around pregnant chicks always makes me oddly jealous and wistful of the weeks I spent waddling around in a gummy-bear-induced haze and feeling like an upturned turtle whenever I tried to get out of bed in the morning. I mean, pregnant women have that special air of gestational mystery about them, although when I was pregnant, I felt about as special and mysterious as a fucking fanny pack.

Rihanna, DON’T YOU FUCKING EVEN try to mainstream that shit.

My jealously extends mostly to first-time moms, because I know exactly what kind of awesome, mind-blowing, holy-shit-there’s-an-infant-in-my-arms kind of experience they’re in for whenever the baby finally arrives. And sometimes I wonder if my hesitant, wishy-washy desire for another baby is an actual desire, or just a strange mixture of jealousy and nostalgia over an amazing time in my life that has already passed. It’s kind of like the post-wedding blues: you’re sad the whole, big, crazy-making fun of the wedding is over, but it’s not like you actually want to get married again.

I have now compared the birth of my first child to an event that regularly features the Electric Slide. You’re welcome.

Hey! Look who’s talking about the thing she said she wasn’t ready to talk about! And it’s kind of making me all twitchy and crawly, so I’m going to stop now. I’ll just say that I have lots of reasons for and against another shorty (some more compelling than others), and leave it at that.


So, now I have nothing to talk about.


Well, today we’re taking Sadie to her 9-month checkup, during which we’ll determine if the assholish behavior our pediatrician displayed a few weeks ago was a fluke or a real concern. And…well, that’s all there is to say about that, really.


TV! Did you guys see Parks & Recreation and 30 Rock last night? Hilarious.


It’s abundantly clear I’ve fucked this post into oblivion, so I think I’m going to have to end here. Sorry about that, Internet. See what happens when you try to talk about things you’re not ready to talk about? DAMN! Let’s just all go about our day, forget this ever happened, and have a fantastic weekend. We have some very fun and low-key plans to hang out with friends this weekend, and I’m also hoping to finally get around to doing some laundry. Nothing reproductive about those plans, no sir.

I shall now get pregnant again immediately.


Entry filed under: And you KNOW THIS!.

PAY IT FORWARD: My Own Personal Hell(mo) The Play’s The Thing

18 Comments Add your own

  • 1. kristin @ going country  |  January 15, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    Gestational mystery? Is that what this is? Good to have a name for it . . . I was just calling it AWKWARD.

    • 2. jiveturkey  |  January 18, 2010 at 10:52 am

      Yeah, anyone who says pregnant women are glowing has never seen one try to get out of bed at 37 weeks. YOWZA.

  • 3. Shelly  |  January 15, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Dude, you were a totally rockin’ pregnant woman! Seriously!

    • 4. jiveturkey  |  January 18, 2010 at 10:52 am

      Aw, thanks. Are you…trying to get me pregnant?

  • 5. Marcy  |  January 15, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    You know JT, the two main reasons I love your blog sooo much is because you make me laugh and I can relate to almost everything you are going through. That being said, my daughters are 15 mos. apart in age. Pregancy nostalgia is a bitch.

    Oh and guess who told their husband, “It took us so long to get pregnant the first time, I’m sure it will take atleast 6 months before we get pregnant again.” Me! And guess who got preggo just weeks later…me!

    Seriously though, I would not have things any other way. I’m very blessed to have two healthy, happy daughters. Hopefully they will grow up being close sisters. That is until they start fighting over clothes, make-up, boys, the car, chores…

    My advice to you is to take your time before you decide about baby #2. Oh and avert your eyes any time a pregnant lady walks by!

    • 6. jiveturkey  |  January 18, 2010 at 10:51 am

      Yeah, I am all for taking my time, especially because I am still actively celebrating 1) booze, 2) unlimited caffeine, 3) boobs that are a normal size and do not hurt even a little bit.

  • 7. MLE  |  January 15, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Me first! 😦

    • 8. jiveturkey  |  January 18, 2010 at 10:49 am

      I agree 🙂

  • 9. Amy  |  January 15, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    You are SO having another one.

    • 10. jiveturkey  |  January 18, 2010 at 10:43 am

      You keep saying that! And scaring me! And you speak with such conviction that sometimes I think my uterus got online and created a very elaborate online persona just to comment on my blog!

      (Not suggesting that your blog is written by my uterus, I just…nevermind.)

  • 11. Anne  |  January 15, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    How can you look at that last picture with the cuteness of the HUGS pajamas and NOT want to get pregnant rightthissecondomg.

    • 12. jiveturkey  |  January 18, 2010 at 11:32 am


  • 13. Swistle  |  January 15, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    I highly recommend the “La la la OOPS” method of deciding whether or not to have a second. You’re going to anyway, and this way you get to blame fate.

    • 14. jiveturkey  |  January 18, 2010 at 10:44 am

      I am in favor of the fate thing. Takes the decision-making out of it. Let’s hear it for passive-aggressive conception!

  • 15. 4th Reader of Said Turkey  |  January 16, 2010 at 3:07 am

    How was the doctor this time around?

    • 16. jiveturkey  |  January 18, 2010 at 10:44 am

      He was actually totally cool. All is forgiven, I think.

  • 17. shelli  |  January 16, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    We like to call it: “Infant amnesia,” that place we all get to where we FORGET HOW FUCKING HARD a teeny, tiny, helpless leech is, because they have entered the world of motion, and cute- OH MY GAWD, the CUTE! I feel bad for Malka sometimes, because every single person in NYC stops to tell me how cute Noah Matan is, and then, I’m all, and Cheeky here just yada yada yada, making a reference to Malka, and they catch on and say something nice about here – and I just hope that she won’t catch onto THAT one for a while.

    All of this to say – I’m thinking about #3. Narda’s open to it, but there’s that minor lack of winning the lottery part.

    So um, yeah, enjoy the amnesia. And go for the “Do I really want to saddle JUST ONE KID with me as a cranky old fart? Or would it be better for her to have someone to bitch about you to?” Narda just basically was gung ho for a sibling for Malka, because she feared Malka’d turn out like me. (an only child) 😉

    • 18. jiveturkey  |  January 18, 2010 at 10:49 am

      Hee! Yeah, I do want to give Sadie someone to bitch to about me, because NO ONE understands how crazy your parents are like a sibling does.

      Number three! Exciting, my friend.


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