PAY IT FORWARD: Gross
Brad and I watched District 9 Tuesday night. Brad had already seen it, and predicted that I would find the little alien child cute.
I really enjoyed the movie, although I found it thoroughly depressing because – for me, at least – it was a 110-minute long illustration of how much people can suck.
Expanding on the “People are Dickheads” theme, I bring you today’s installment of PAY IT FORWARD! I debated using this forward (submitted by reader Dana) for days because it’s almost too disgusting to be funny. But I finally decided that putting it up in an open forum to be soundly mocked was the only way to handle it, and after you see it, you’ll understand why. Brace yourselves, Internet. This isn’t going to be pretty:
FWD: Buchanan to Obama
Oh, friends, how I scoured Snopes.com and the rest of the Internet hoping to find that this was actually written by an inbred mouthbreather who rubs one out while reading Going Rogue and not a prominent political figure, but no such luck. It was, instead, confirmed in full that Pat Buchanan wrote this shit, and you can see it on his very own website under the classy title “A Brief for Whitey.”
On second thought, this WAS written by an inbred mouthbreather who rubs one out while reading Going Rogue. My bad.
Please note the convenient photo identification, just in case there was any doubt that the following pile of horseshit was written by an old white dude.
First of all, let me explain that if I were to caption all of these screenshots with my actual reactions, they would all read “HAHAHAHA!” and/or “H’WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!”
In this case, I really enjoyed the idea that white people are the “silent” majority in this country. Yeah, we barely say a word as we make up almost all of the government and head most major corporations.
Oh, and as a white person, let me come right out and say THESE ARE NOT MY CONVICTIONS, GRIEVANCES AND DEMANDS, so go fuck yourself, P-Buch.
Buchanan is referring to Jeremiah Wright.
He also just wrote – in seriousness – that being dragged to America AS SLAVES was the best thing to ever happen to black people.
Where is my thank-you card for years of slave auctions, segregation, and that rad, crime-infested ghetto, black America?! Rude.
Just to recap: black kids don’t deserve scholarships, and white people shouldn’t have to concern themselves with the silly societal challenges of any of their fellow Americans who had the audacity to be born not-white.
Now, I’m no math whiz, but doesn’t it stand to reason that white people would make up the majority of crime victims in this country, seeing as how they also make up THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY?
Is he really, honestly trying to imply that black-on-white crime is the “ugliest manifestation” of racism in this country? Because a few other things spring to mind when I think “ugliest manifestation of racism” before that one time a black guy broke into some white guy’s car and stole his CDs.
Also: is intra-racial crime somehow better? Can I please drag Pat Buchanan by the ankles from my pickup truck in order to find out?
Internet, I have tried about 17 times to properly articulate my enraged response to this, and I just can’t do it. I just…how can you argue with something this ridiculous? The amount of delusion and hate and fucking entitlement in this paragraph alone is astounding. Sorry, I am trying to be funny, but this forward is wearing me down.
Oh, civil rights are SO 40 years ago, Barack!
And don’t forget, everyone: it’s all about tax dollars. Fuck being a decent human being to your fellow man – it’s all about money! That’s what Jesus said, wasn’t it?
Actually, Pat, you motherfucking pathetic excuse for a Christian and a human being, America is a nation built on FREEDOM OF RELIGION and SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE. Why is it so hard for people to fucking understand that? And why are ignorant cocksuckers like Pat Buchanan trying to convince everyone that Obama is somehow a threat to Christianity? Is he driving around on Sunday mornings, coffee in hand, locking the doors to local churches? Is he building shrines to Satan in the Rose Garden? Ladies and gentlemen, I’m just a caveman. Someone please explain this to me.
Funny, because I’m also for a better America, but I have a feeling Pat Buchanan’s “better America” involves a lot more burning crosses.
OK, Internet. It’s over. And perhaps it’s the large amount of coffee I ingested this morning, but I am about to fucking FLY OUT OF MY SKIN WITH RAGE over here. I’ve been reading and re-reading this email for over a week now, and I still get so angry about it I could chew my monitor in half. I hope I didn’t ruin your day or anything. Please help me dampen the fury by leaving your very best scathing remarks to Pat Buchanan in the comments. And if you happen to agree with Pat Buchanan’s words in this forward, please leave a comment so we can all mock you.
Entry filed under: PAY IT FORWARD!.