PAY IT FORWARD: Please God, Make Me A Bird…
Greetings, Internet! Welcome to another edition of PAY IT FORWARD! Not sure if you’ve noticed, but in some (most) of the old PAY IT FORWARD entries, the graphics have disappeared. This is because I bootlegged the screenshots into jpgs instead of actually converting them into jpgs, and while this used to work, it apparently, uh, doesn’t work anymore.
Anyway, I’m working on fixing that MASSIVE FUCKING ERROR, but in the meantime, let’s pay a bitch forward, motherfuckers!
From reader/self-professed lurker, Sarah:
Ooo! The mysterious blank subject line! Always a winner.
This forward is actually one of those dreaded slideshows that takes up your ENTIRE FUCKING SCREEN and PLAYS MUSIC and pretty much broadcasts to the entire office that no, you are not doing anything even remotely work-related. I cannot tell you how many times I have innocently opened such a file, only to dive at my keyboard for the ESC key about 0.0004 seconds later.
Yes, Barbra Streisand. Two Oscars, eight Grammys, four Emmys and a Tony, and her song ends up on a fucking forward.
Also, I looked at this photo roughly 12 times before I noticed the GIANT ETHEREAL BUBBLES floating up to the heavens there on the right.
(Please tell me you see them too.)
“Behaviour?” CANADA, WAS THIS YOUR DOING?
And to answer the question, no, I have not observed the behavior of birds in the face of adversity, but I have observed the behavior of birds in the face of my car windshield, and…not so inspiring.
And I’m supposed to be impressed by this? They can fly, for fuck’s sake. Call me when they have to drive all over town in the snow on a Saturday trying to track down a can of fucking Enfamil. In your FACE, Jonathan Livingston ASSHOLE!*
This is some pretty spectacular sentence structure, right here. My favorite part is when the birds lay eggs, the weather, or SOME ANIMAL. I had no idea birds were so versatile (or slutty).
Do I stop? Trying, to figure out these ridiculous fragments?
Again, I must again stress the importance of saying again, again.
Also, I love birds, but the expression is “bird brain” for a reason.
Bird 1 to Bird 2: “Fuck this shit.”
…and taking massive purple and white berry-filled shits on the cars of people who keep knocking down their goddamn nests.
We hear singing, but it’s really just a very melodic “Thanks for knocking down my nest, cocksuckers.”
Do you sometimes forget to put question marks at the end of questions.
Wow. We go from the first sentence, which is a reconstituted Chumbawamba lyric, to the second sentence, which sounds like some William Wallace shit, to the third sentence, which reminds me that I need to get the oil changed in my car.
I like that sneaky little “mostly,” don’t you? Life is totally worthwhile, except for the pain and the loss and the heartache and the betrayal and the despair and the loneliness and that cancer you’re going to get. NEVER STOP SINGING!
GAH! Well, I guess I got a little too comfortable during our pretty little nature stroll up there, because I was not prepared for our harsh return to the land of Powerpoint Word Art.
*I was originally going to make a joke based on a bird’s latin name, and in my research, I came across the latin name for a robin: Turdus migratorious. HEE.
Entry filed under: PAY IT FORWARD!.