Which Old Witch?

March 5, 2010 at 2:04 pm 13 comments

First, Internet, let me say that I was totally overwhelmed (in a good way) by your responses to my last post. I think/hope I responded to all of your comments, because I appreciate each and every last one. You really helped me find some closure on the whole career issue, and I have a feeling that the next time my work-related ennui emerges, I will be able to handily resist the urge to staple myself to my cubicle wall in a display of very beige self-flagellation.

Someone stole my cat o’nine tails from the break room.

I hope that you, too, found some comfort and camaraderie in the comments, which made me realize how many of us work just to support our other interests. I think I selfishly (and melodramatically) assumed that arts/theatre people are the only ones who have to sacrifice 40 hours of their lives to The Man to be able to do what they love outside of work, and that’s just crazy. We all make those sacrifices, even if doing what we love = collecting macaroni & cheese boxes.

I, on the other hand, am passionate about cutting out the middle man and just collecting macaroni & cheese. In mah belly.

Also, can we agree to stop giving a shit about what other people think of us and our career-related choices? Other People really seem to be fucking with our heads, yo. I would venture to say that 95% of my unhappiness comes from worrying about what various and sundry other people are thinking/saying about me, and, well, fuck that.

I’m working on it.

(Also, I’m realizing that this photo is kind of a glorified version of the “Hang in There!” kitten posters, and now I’m embarrassed. Please don’t hate.)

Actually, now that we’re talking about working on things we’d like to improve about ourselves, allow me to share with you my progress on something I’ve talked about here before (but really can’t find it right away so please forgive me for not linking): Not ragging on/putting down/obsessing over my personal appearance, mostly for Sadie’s sake. So, after hearing and reading countless accounts of daughters who picked up on and eventually mimicked their mothers’ dissatisfaction with their bodies and personal appearances, I made a rule to stop uttering my usual “Oh, I hate that picture of me” whenever I see a photo of myself. This was made easier by the fact that all of my recent photos are taken with Sadie, so I decided to focus on how HAPPY I look, and how awesome it will be for Sadie to see these photos when she gets older. And Internet? IT WORKED. Fuck me sideways, IT WORKED!

I DID NOT SAY IT WASN’T CHALLENGING, to which the unwashed hair and dorky glasses that are two prescriptions behind will attest.

I can honestly say that photos at which I used to cringe are some of my favorites now, simply because I’m noticing the happiness on my face and the look of “holy shit, I love this kid” in my eyes. Oh, I still notice the zits and the wrinkles and all the other real/imagined imperfections, but I’m AT LEAST not voicing them, and that’s a start.

And now, a photo of my daughter screaming at a roll of toilet paper, just because.

And then, while I was helping Sadie brush her teeth* last night, I looked into the mirror and saw what I thought was a gray hair. Eh. Big deal. Honestly, I’ve seen them before, thanks to my whore of a lovely former stylist, who went to the trouble of pointing them out to me while I was all of 27 fucking years old. But this hair? Looked a little different. A little…brighter. I leaned in for a closer look, and…you guys. THAT SHIT WAS STRAIGHT-UP WHITE. I’m talking Steve Martin. I’m talking Doc from Back to the Future. I’m talking Once-there-was-this-kid-who-got-into-an-accident-and-couldn’t-come-to-school.

I am rocking some serious John Hancock powdered wig action up in this bitch.

Granted, it’s just ONE hair (that I know of, OMG), but it is loud and proud, y’all. Wiry. A fucking double double toil and trouble WITCH HAIR. I cannot imagine having a whole head of that shit one day. So I’m trying REALLY HARD to be cavalier about it. Ha ha ha! I shall embrace my giant and unwieldy white hair of knowledge! I shall pretend it is just really, really blond! Look at your mother, child! Learn from my totally-okay-with-it-ness!

“Actually, I think I see another one.”

*Sadie brushing her teeth = Sadie letting me get a whole 1.5 seconds of actual tooth brushing in before grabbing the brush and chewing on it for 45 minutes while enormous streams of drool cascade from her mouth and BITCH, don’t you even THINK about trying to take the brush away from her because she will unleash a scream that will prompt neighbors 3 blocks away to call CPS.


Entry filed under: And you KNOW THIS!.

Deep Thoughts: Careers PAY IT FORWARD: I Know Why the Caged Bird Forwards

13 Comments Add your own

  • 1. HoST  |  March 5, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    Aw, baby, your shiny white hair makes you look like a sophisticated witch.

    Oh, and thanks for not mentioning the gray hair I found.

  • 2. amy  |  March 5, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    We use the finger toothbrush – looks like you cut the finger off of a rubber glove & added a few bristles for good measure.

  • 3. kristin @ going country  |  March 5, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    I often feel like screaming at the toilet paper roll myself. It’s sad how we start censoring ourselves when we get older.

  • 4. Marcy  |  March 5, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    I found gray hair number one after baby number one. MULTIPLE gray hairs were found after baby number two. I’m only 33. If there is a baby number three in the future then I’m really in trouble!

  • 5. Swistle  |  March 5, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    You have SUCH a beautiful jawline.

    • 6. jiveturkey  |  March 9, 2010 at 6:05 pm

      Aw, thanks, my friend!

  • 7. Daughter of 4th Reader  |  March 7, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    I thought you might enjoy this.

    • 8. jiveturkey  |  March 9, 2010 at 6:02 pm

      Indeed. Thanks for the link!

      • 9. Daughter of 4th Reader  |  March 10, 2010 at 1:48 am

        …not that it had anything at all to do with this post, but there you are.

  • 10. sweetbird  |  March 8, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    I’m pretty sure Sadie is casting some kind or warlock-esque spell on the camera in that last picture.

  • 11. Mermanda  |  March 9, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    I have found about a dozen shiny gray hairs this year… and I’m 26. This is not acceptable. I was pulling them out immediately. Then I decided, “hey, wait… maybe it makes me look sophisticated and wise. i’ll leave the few bastards where they are.” That lasted about a week until I plucked them from my scalp. Yesterday I noticed a new one. Shiny. He can stay. For now. Ugh.

  • 12. Chicago Friend of Said Turkey  |  March 9, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Hence my now completely color-treated hair. 🙂

  • 13. And The Oscar Goes To… « Jive Turkey  |  March 12, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    […] Best Use of an Upcoming Saturday Afternoon: Getting my hair did, as it has not been touched since November, and DAMN. […]


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