PAY IT FORWARD: Erin Go Balls
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Internet! The day in which the one-fifth of me that is Irish scrambles madly to find something green to wear so that the ghost of my half (A VERY PROUD HALF!)-Irish grandmother doesn’t come back and haunt the shit out of me.
YOU GUYS: PLEASE check out the name of this photo, which I did not alter in the slightest when I ganked it off the Internet. I have no idea what the fuck the story is behind this one, but I wanted a picture of a disapproving grandma, and I sure did get one.
My grandmother, as I remember her, was a very easygoing sort until March 17th rolled around, and BY GOD you’d BETTER be wearing your green that day or she would threaten to beat you soundly with a pint of Guinness, no foolin’. As I mentioned, she was only half Irish – her father was Irish, her mother English, and I bet there was quite an interesting story behind that courtship – but she was extremely proud of her Irish blood. True to stereotypes, I remember her telling me that my great-grandfather really liked to drink, and the whole family knows about that one time he got so drunk that he managed to ROCK THROUGH THE FRONT WINDOW OF THEIR HOME IN HIS ROCKING CHAIR.
Anyhoo, whether you are Irish or just wearing some plastic green beads to get happy hour prices on beer (or both!), let us celebrate this holiday by dissecting a really sloppily-constructed and confusing forward, sent to me courtesy of recent birthday girl MLE:
Subject: FW: W: I don’t usually send this stuff out but……..apparently it works & I thought you could use it…
For emails that NO ONE wants to cop to “usually” sending, this shit sure makes the rounds, doesn’t it?
Pretty sure those first two lines could have just been edited down to “TO ALL MY FRIENDS.”
Now brace yourself, Internet: here comes the best part…
This is where I started to feel like maybe this forward really did have some sort of special powers, what with the ominous balls and all.
(Also, please tell me you see them too.)
Honestly, I thought the Swannee River existed only in Stephen Foster songs. My bad.
Also: “Seems like it Hey!!” is going to be my new go-to exclamation.
This just in: that dude probably still needs a job.
And, correct me if I’m wrong, but if someone who received this email was responsible for the windfall, then…this forward did exactly nothing, right? WAY TO BE A WONDER KILLER, LADY!
Anyone else’s mind go to a really dirty place with these last two sentences? No? Just me? Carry on.
All these little images were animated gifs, but I’ll be damned if I had the patience to find all the fucking codes to get them to display correctly here.
But that little leprechaun dude with the white beard? Looks JUST LIKE a guy who works with the computing helpdesk at my office. This would explain the time I found Lucky Charms in my DVD drive.
I feel like I’m in an episode of The Twilight Zone where everyone is a disembodied head with arms shooting out the side, and they think I’M the freak because I have a body.
Looks like SOMEONE is wishing to have a bowel movement sometime in the near future.
(I’m not gonna lie: that is my wish most days.)
That’s it for today, Internet. I’m working on another Deep Thoughts, so put your, uh, deep thinking caps on.
That sounded dirty. I’m sorry.
(Or am I?)
Entry filed under: PAY IT FORWARD!.