“Teach us some Shakespeare, bitch!”
That quote is:
- What a student said to my friend during her first year of teaching English to “troubled” high school kids, and
- Why I am terrified of teenagers, and
- The reason I am dreading today’s matinée performance at which high schoolers will be present, therefore ensuring I will at some point be harassed while onstage.
Not unlike the high school matinée of Macbeth I once endured, during which those little fuckers threw COINS and ACORNS at us, then laughed when Macbeth was beheaded.
(OK, the beheading was pretty funny.)
Thankfully, I only have a couple scenes, and I don’t utter any of the play’s more sexual lines, but the play has two gay characters and deals with pregnancy, abortion, various losses of virginity, and blow job jokes. We are begging for snickers and smart-ass comments, and possibly worse. BEGGING.
Also — as a side note — where were these field trips to see blow job plays when I was in school? Alls we ever got to go see were the fucking Harlem Globetrotters and a D.A.R.E. anti-drug rally where some lame-ass band sang “Mony Mony” and replaced most of the lyrics with “Just Say No.”
For the record, the thing I remember most from my D.A.R.E. days was that the police officer who was assigned to my sixth grade classroom once yelled at me in front of everyone because he thought my answer to a question in my stupid fucking D.A.R.E. notebook wasn’t thorough enough. ME! A total nerd! I fucking guarantee it was not only thorough, but perfectly spelled and crafted with impeccable penmanship.
Fuck you, Officer Shannon. You’ll be happy to know I dedicated all my bong hits to you.
On that note, I take my leave to hop a bus in the direction of my imminent mocking. Wish me luck.
Entry filed under: Gobble-gobble.