Hulkin’ Out

May 14, 2010 at 4:05 pm 10 comments

One of my newest very favorite things on the Internet is DRUNKHULK, my friends. Visit, and be amused.

THOOOM, indeed.

Despite being an a fantastic mood today (FRIDAY OMG WOOO), I find myself quite riled up about a number of things. And I just have to rant about it here before I go all Hulk on someone’s ass.

  • I am suddenly and inexplicably consumed by the prospect of something happening to me and/or Brad, and someone raising Sadie in a very strict religious fashion, and neglecting to tell her about her mother’s distinctly non-religious ways, among other things. I think all my worries would be sated by someone (that someone being YOU, Internet) promising me that, should I get flattened by a city bus tomorrow, they will see to it that Sadie reads this blog someday. I think it will tell her pretty much all she needs to know about me.

i.e., that I love her endlessly, but that I also love to swear and not go to church.

  • I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR THE EEYORES OF THIS WORLD. I cannot really expound on this, unfortunately, but holy shit, if I have to have one more conversation with a (specific, NOT YOU!) person who turns every topic into an opportunity to bemoan how HORRIBLE and AWFUL his/her life is (when I know shit just AIN’T THAT BAD), I’m going to sell someone to the glue factory.

“Thanks for noticin’ me…and for usin’ me to repair that broken tea cup.”

  • I am also similarly tired of people who spend every waking hour complaining about their children, and then wonder where I get the idea that they don’t enjoy parenthood very much. Hello, have you met yourself? Also, do you have a nice wad of cash set aside in savings for your daughter to use towards therapy to help her figure out why all her mother ever did was bitch about how she wouldn’t take a nap that one time when she was ELEVEN MONTHS OLD? I’m not talking about the occasional venting when you’re sleep-deprived or frustrated, I’m talking about the CONSTANT STREAM of complaints from people who — one assumes — voluntarily brought a child into the world (and then they talk about having another, OMG RLY?!). What were you expecting? All butterflies and soft-focus and 3-hour daily naps? Is there ANYTHING about your kids you enjoy? Because it doesn’t sound like there is, and that makes me very sad.
  • Supervisors who do not have any understanding or sympathy for a working mother who would like to spend ONE day a week at home (on a temporary basis, and with a cut in pay/benefits) can cram it sideways.
  • While you’re down there, take it out and cram it again for good measure.
  • So, I totally had something else to Hulk Out about, but I was very happily interrupted by the news that FoST (who, as you may recall, is good and knocked up) is having a GIRL! A GIRL! A LITTLE BABY GIRL! And now all previous grievances are wiped away by the happy news. I get to hold a baby girl in October, Internet! And this time I don’t have to take off my pants!

Buckle up, FoST. Lots of pink stuff awaits you.


Entry filed under: Taste my Backhand.

PAY IT FORWARD: Women Sure Are Amazing for a Bunch of Fat, Ugly Bitches! Raw

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. HoST  |  May 14, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    YAY! Congratulations, FoST and HoFoST!!!!

  • 2. Simon  |  May 14, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    It is easy to get into the complaining rut. During my misery of my unemployment period, I was pretty bad myself. The kid was killing me ovah heyah.

    So, in order to not be Debbie Downer (Derek Downer? David Downer?), I prefaced everything with “I love the shit out of this kid, BUT…” and let it all come out.

    Now that I have employment on the immediate horizon, I am again amazed at how totally smart and funny and cute he is. I mean, jeez, Wombat is not only the smartest baby ever born in the history of the world, but the cutest as well. Just the statistical odds that these superlatives would be manifested in the same individual child are astronomical!

    See? All better.

  • 3. sweetbird  |  May 14, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    1. DrunkHulk almost made hot coffee come out my nose.

    2. I just spent the last week in Seattle with my family. One family member is so negative all the time that I actually made several comparisons about how she made Eeyore look like a fucking Cyndi Lauper music video on ecstasy. She can suck the life and fun and positivity out of every possible moment. I finally started calling her out on her shit towards the end of the week and wooooo boy, wasn’t that fun!

    I can totally get behind you on all that negativity bullshit. Sure, life can suck – but the hell is complaining about it all the time going to do?

    In the words of someone very wise (OK, not so much. It was Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder): Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere. I think the same goes for complaining.

  • 4. Marcy  |  May 15, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Drunk Hulk – love it!!!

  • 5. Sara  |  May 16, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Ugh. I know we all have Eeyore times. But I talk to someone almost daily who apparently is forced to do everything all the time, is never happy with anything, nothing ever goes that person’s way, etc. Dude, it gets old. And I hate when people only complain about their kids. Or their husbands. Sometimes people are stupid and don’t realize how lucky they are to have the things other people may want. Sharrup, folks!

    And congratulations to FoST! Baby girl clothes are the cutest.

  • 6. Kylan  |  May 17, 2010 at 8:52 am

    Baby girls are awesome! Yay for FoST and HoFoST!!!

  • 7. kristin @ going country  |  May 17, 2010 at 10:35 am

    Do you think your friend would mind if I bought some clothes for her daughter, even though I’m a total stranger? NO ONE around here has girls–it’s all boys, all the time. I want to buy some cute little frilly things, dammit!

    Come to think of it, I could buy some things for Sadie, couldn’t I? Hmmm . . .

  • 8. CFoST  |  May 17, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    Congrats FoST and HoFoST!

    I just don’t get a world full of haters. Life is too short to not at least try to find the silver lining.

  • 9. Sarahviz  |  May 17, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    Yes about the Eeyore peeps and YES about the complainers. While they’re griping on and on, I’m usually sitting there, trying not to roll my eyes, and thinking “Just STFU, will ya?”

  • 10. FoST  |  May 17, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    Yay!!! Awesome girlness abounds!!! Thx JT and JT followers!


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