One of my newest very favorite things on the Internet is DRUNKHULK, my friends. Visit, and be amused.
Despite being an a fantastic mood today (FRIDAY OMG WOOO), I find myself quite riled up about a number of things. And I just have to rant about it here before I go all Hulk on someone’s ass.
- I am suddenly and inexplicably consumed by the prospect of something happening to me and/or Brad, and someone raising Sadie in a very strict religious fashion, and neglecting to tell her about her mother’s distinctly non-religious ways, among other things. I think all my worries would be sated by someone (that someone being YOU, Internet) promising me that, should I get flattened by a city bus tomorrow, they will see to it that Sadie reads this blog someday. I think it will tell her pretty much all she needs to know about me.
i.e., that I love her endlessly, but that I also love to swear and not go to church.
- I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR THE EEYORES OF THIS WORLD. I cannot really expound on this, unfortunately, but holy shit, if I have to have one more conversation with a (specific, NOT YOU!) person who turns every topic into an opportunity to bemoan how HORRIBLE and AWFUL his/her life is (when I know shit just AIN’T THAT BAD), I’m going to sell someone to the glue factory.
“Thanks for noticin’ me…and for usin’ me to repair that broken tea cup.”
- I am also similarly tired of people who spend every waking hour complaining about their children, and then wonder where I get the idea that they don’t enjoy parenthood very much. Hello, have you met yourself? Also, do you have a nice wad of cash set aside in savings for your daughter to use towards therapy to help her figure out why all her mother ever did was bitch about how she wouldn’t take a nap that one time when she was ELEVEN MONTHS OLD? I’m not talking about the occasional venting when you’re sleep-deprived or frustrated, I’m talking about the CONSTANT STREAM of complaints from people who — one assumes — voluntarily brought a child into the world (and then they talk about having another, OMG RLY?!). What were you expecting? All butterflies and soft-focus and 3-hour daily naps? Is there ANYTHING about your kids you enjoy? Because it doesn’t sound like there is, and that makes me very sad.
- Supervisors who do not have any understanding or sympathy for a working mother who would like to spend ONE day a week at home (on a temporary basis, and with a cut in pay/benefits) can cram it sideways.
- While you’re down there, take it out and cram it again for good measure.
- So, I totally had something else to Hulk Out about, but I was very happily interrupted by the news that FoST (who, as you may recall, is good and knocked up) is having a GIRL! A GIRL! A LITTLE BABY GIRL! And now all previous grievances are wiped away by the happy news. I get to hold a baby girl in October, Internet! And this time I don’t have to take off my pants!
Buckle up, FoST. Lots of pink stuff awaits you.
Entry filed under: Taste my Backhand.