PAY IT FORWARD: Fuck You, Kramer
Buckle up, Internet. This isn’t going to be easy.
Also, you might want to go ahead and re-watch any episodes of Seinfeld that you really enjoy, because that show is about to be ruined for you forever.
I had to include a screenshot here because I really wanted you to witness the intellectual glory of “email me you thoughts.” Also: how cute to imply there is actual thinking involved here!
Wow. Two sentences in and we’ve already broken the fact barrier. Who the fuck ever said only white people are racist? Although I would argue that white people are, apparently, hell-bent on using more than their fair share of ellipses.
File “Michael Richards…does make a good point” under “Shit no one has ever said while sober,” right along with “Very well stated, Mr. Leno.”
Whoa, whoa, hold up: IN COURT?! This little bit of TOTALLY FALSE INFORMATION buried in here sent me over to Snopes, which confirmed that Richards never went to court for being an asshole in a comedy club (see: Freedom of speech, even for fuckwads).
Turns out this disgusting forward existed WAY before Kramer’s little tantrum, but his image was connected to the sentiment after the fact. Congratulations, Michael Richards! The fully ignorant forwarding community is behind you 100%!
(Oh, and “American” = WHITE, just so we’re clear.)
For the record, it’s OK to call Michael Richards just about anything.
(Or — God save you — “My boyfriend.”)
Internet, please believe me when I tell you there was not one single currently-black-barred term up there I felt remotely comfortable letting you see. Rest assured they were all just A HAIR more offensive than fucking “white boy,” I mean, are you KIDDING ME with that shit?!
Oh, I see. They’re cleverly insinuating that only non-whites live in ghettos, instead of the correct assumption that VERY POOR and PRETTY FUCKING DESPERATE people of ALL COLORS live in ghettos, and, you know, I’m no anthropologist, but I’m pretty sure that poverty + desperation + lack of options usually = NOT EXACTLY FUCKING MAYBERRY about 100% of the time.
“After you!” “No, after YOU!”
Perhaps the author of this forward is forgetting that someone has already sort of claimed the whole “White Pride” corner of the market — those people being GIANT FUCKING NAZI SKINHEAD RACISTS, so, yeah, White Pride Day WOULD be racist, genius.
Won’t someone think of these unfortunate souls, struggling to succeed?
Yes, but the Miss Black America pageant was founded because black women weren’t allowed to enter the Miss America pageant, ASSHOLES.
(Also, this wasn’t in 1925 or something. This was IN FUCKING 1968. Gross.)
Not to detract from how fucking ignorant this section is, but…orange?
Oh, right. Sorry. Loompa Pride!
Where is this alternate reality where white people have lost most of their rights? I suppose it’s located in the same place as where the super-scientific “Racist Email Forwarding Frequency” study was conducted.
OK, Internet. We made it. I hope your head is still intact. Thank you to sweetbird for sharing this particular piece of repulsiveness with me. Sweetbird, did you notice that the subject line SPECIFICALLY asks for your feedback? Please feel free to refer the sender to this link, if you are so inclined.
[LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Jive Turkey cannot be held responsible for any and all major family fall-outs and/or excommunications.]
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