The Rosco P. Coltrane Award

Internet, did you used to watch The Dukes of Hazzard when you were growing up (or when you were already a grown-up)? I did. In fact, it was quite an event in my house. My dad would make us some popcorn in our massive, yellow, plastic, counter-space-eating popcorn popper, my mom would mix up a pitcher of orange Kool-Aid, my sister and I would plant ourselves on the floor in front of the TV (with some newspapers put down in front of us in the style of housebreaking a puppy for any wayward popcorn or sugary beverage), and we let the magic of those good ol’ Duke boys wash over us for the next glorious 60 minutes.

In hindsight, perhaps those nights were more for my mother’s benefit.

I was pretty young at the time (5 or 6), so I’m sure I didn’t get all (or any) of the jokes or innuendos (were there jokes and innuendos? I don’t even know), but I loooved that show. I loved Bo, I loved Luke, I wanted to BE Daisy, and my sister and I shared quite a few interesting pieces of Dukes of Hazzard paraphernalia, including a puzzle of Boss Hog’s head and a TV tray that was emblazoned with a huge Confederate flag.

I just spent 7 minutes laughing at this picture. Also: FLASH!!!

ANYHOO, if you watched the show, you might remember another quite famous character in the ensemble: the bumbling Roscoe P. Coltrane. He was funny, no? Remember the way he used to say his name?

“Rosco PEEEEcoltrane!” [Also: FLASH!]

So, Internet, because of James Best’s outstanding character acting, and the kindergarten level reading skills I applied whenever the credits came on, I went through the greater part of my young life thinking this character’s name was: ROSCO PICO TRAIN. Ahem.

And it’s because of this that I have a special affinity for the word “pico,” because it’s so much fun to attach the Rosco-ness onto it. Pico de gallo? I think you mean Rosco PEEEEEcodegallo. And so forth.

So you can imagine my unbridled delight upon discovering that the lovely Kristen over at Going Country had bestowed upon me the Arte y Pico award! Or, as I prefer to call it: The Rosco Arte y PEEEEEEEEEcoaward.

Not pictured: FLASH

But the fun doesn’t end there! It seems I need to pay it forward, in the manner of Kevin Spacey. And here are the rules I must follow, copied from the Arte y Pico site (which is written in Spanish) and half-assedly edited by me:

1) You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award, [based on] creativity, design, interesting material, and also contributes to the blogger community, no matter of language.

2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.

3) Each award-[winner] has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award.

4) Award-[winner] and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y Pico” blog , so everyone will know the origin of this award.

5) To show these rules.

Oooh, I like Rule Number 5, don’t you? A rule about rules. It’s like the universe is turning in on itself.

OK, like Kristen, I have to say this picky-choosy business makes me a little uncomfortable, because that means I have to exclude people. Also, there are blogs that I won’t choose even though I LOVE them, because either a) the author doesn’t post anymore, which breaks my heart, or b) it was a blog that I spent a great deal of time loving in the past, but sort of…outgrew? Moved on? Broke up? I dunno. And some of the blogs I’m choosing are of the hugely popular and world-famous variety, so I know the author will not be aware of my generous passing on of the award, thus breaking the chain of Kevin Spacey pay-it-forwardness, but such is life.

Alright, enough with the disclaimers. Here we go.

1. Going Country. And no, not just because she gave it to me. Because she is a blogging machine who spoils me by posting every blessed day, sometimes TWICE a day, and does something that all my favorite bloggers do: shares her real voice with the entire mother-truckin’ internet. This is not as easy as it sounds. It’s far easier to hide behind jokes and posts about movies (*cough*JIVETURKEY*cough*), but it takes both balls and talent to talk about your real, actual life, and make it engaging & funny to boot (“to boot?” Grandma? Is that you?). And although I have never met Kristin in person, when I read her blog, I feel like I know her, you know? Of course, this is the internet, and “Kristin” could actually be a 16-year old Japanese schoolboy who is brilliantly fabricating the whole thing…but even then, KUDOS, 16-year old Japanese schoolboy, because I am buying it hook, line, and sinker.
2. Dooce. If you don’t know who Dooce is, then you have obviously not taken Blog History 101. Please go to her (pretty, pretty) site and read her “About” section for a quick re-cap of who she is and how long she’s been at it. Her blog is not only gorgeous but brilliantly written with total honesty, and she is the first blogger who ever made me break out into totally unexpected, spontaneous laughter at my desk. The lady shares her life on that blog – sometimes at the expense of her job & being on speaking terms with her family. Also notable is that her website? IS THE MAIN SOURCE OF INCOME FOR HER FAMILY. And I know this gets some people’s feathers ruffled and sparks arguments of “She Is Exploiting Her Daughter on Teh Innernets!!11!1!”, but my reaction to that is pretty much the same as my reaction to the Diablo Cody backlash: Jealous much? Her success is a direct result of her talent. Don’t hate.
3. Pamie. Pamie reminds me of Dooce in a lot of ways, in that she’s funny, a great writer, and has been at it for a million years. Also, like Dooce, she grew from a blogger with a regular job to a full-out writer, with like, actual published books. She is also a writer for various TV shows, which is just all kinds of neat-o. I found her blog through two of my former favorite sites: Television Without Pity and Hashai (not active anymore). Hashai, incidentally, is where I also found Miss Doxie (who sadly is not posting anymore either). Anyhoo, go get lost in Pamie’s archives PRONTO.
4. Tomato Nation. I have been reading this site since the dark temping days in New York, circa 2001, thanks again to TWOP, which was created by TN author Sarah D. Bunting. The lady is crazy smart, crazy eloquent, and crazy funny. No one on the Internet Superhighway can rant like this woman, who is also a Grammar Ninja. Did I mention that she gives deliciously spot-on advice on her advice-column-y feature “The Vine”? Because she does. And those archives are a treasure, my pets. Sarah is like that well-spoken friend who will speak up for you to a rude salesperson when you are too passive-aggressive and tongue-tied to do it yourself. Not that I constantly wish she was rescuing me from precisely those kinds of situations or anything.
5. Oh, Number 5. DAMN YOU! I am really struggling over this one. Like, a lot. I want so bad to cheat and list all the other lovely blogs I check on a daily basis, some of which are relatively new to me (Sparkerly, kdiddy, Hydrangeas Are Pretty, Pantalones Del Fuego) and for which I am just starting to develop my near-chemical dependency (oh, look, I guess I did cheat. OOPS.). And then there are the ones I have been reading for much longer that I absolutely adore (Sweet Juniper!, Amalah) (cheating again? Yes, please). AND THEN there are the two lovely ladies who not only have beautiful, engaging blogs, but have been so personally kind to me: Nothing But Bonfires and A Girl and A Boy. When I emailed Holly of Nothing But Bonfires (who does not know me from a sack of hammers) for some advice about cool spots to visit while in London and whether or not we should take the Eurostar to Paris, she responded with a wonderfully detailed list of fabulous suggestions & bits of advice, a lot of which we followed (and were not disappointed). She probably does not remember writing that email, but it was very kind, and something that I admire in a blogger: making the effort to reach out to his/her readers whenever possible. Leah from A Girl and A Boy is also great at this, and you can tell she reads her comments & cares enough to respond to them when she can. Look, I’m not saying you have to answer every email or respond to every comment, but there are real, live, flesh and blood people reading your ONLINE DIARY – it won’t kill you to break the fourth wall and interact with them every now and then. Now, I’m not That Person who pesters my favorite bloggers with floods of emails every time they post, but since I’ve been reading them for ages, I’ve emailed both Pamie and Sarah B. once or twice, and they’ve always responded, and nicely. That’s manners, my friend. And although we are talking about THE INTERNET, The Place that Launched A Thousand Hideous MySpace Pages, we are also talking about plain old kindergarten-level being nice to your neighbor. And I really respect that. Now, where was I? Oh, Number Five. Alright. I’ve been thinking on this for way too long, and I’m just going to have to call it a tie: Nothing But Bonfires and A Girl and A Boy. I’M SORRY, Arte y PEEEEColtrane award, I couldn’t decide. I love them both. And one of them is pregnant! I can’t NOT pick a pregnant lady! I hope Arte y Pico can Understand y Sympathize. After all, not being able to make up one’s damn mind is the universal language.

So, GO, loyal readers! FLY FLY! Check out all those glorious and plentiful links! Report back! And don’t forget the rest of the players on my fabulous blogroll, especially Sex Hoagie, my husband’s brand spanking new site where he and 3 of our insanely hilarious friends will soon be broadcasting a podcast. Incidentally, I have heard the first episode; it is brilliant, and not for the faint of heart (read: MY MOM).

Disapproving Rabbit disapproves.