New Site at JiveTurkeyJives.com… No Reader Left Behind!
Just wanted to let everyone know that I am moving away from the hosted WordPress.com site to a fancy new customized WordPress site. I definitely don’t want to leave any of you wonderful, wonderful people behind in the move, so please update your bookmarks and feed readers!
New Site: http://www.jiveturkeyjives.com
New RSS Feed: http://www.jiveturkeyjives.com/?feed=rss2
Come along with me, won’t you?
PAY IT FORWARD: NIPPLES
Today’s PAY IT FORWARD is a thoroughly lame and sexist little joke about bathroom fixtures or some shit — I don’t know. All I can think about when I write this post is nipples.
Just what I’ve always wanted: to have the mindset of a 15-year-old boy. Or, in this case, a 15-year-old Eric Idle. With a totally rad gold chain bracelet.
NOT DEAD
Just taking a lovely, week-long Pittsburgh-based vacation from work, the Internet, and — well, if we’re being entirely honest — good hygiene and healthy eating habits. Went to a movie for the first time since April 2009 (saw Toy Story 3 and sobbed my fucking eye sockets out), cleaned the basement (WHY HELLO THERE, biggest fucking spider I have ever seen), and am spending lots of time getting drunk on the front porch with Brad (we’ve got distilled spirits, yes we do, we’ve got distilled spirits, HOW ‘BOUT YOU?!).
Oh, and I had a great callback, thanks to all your wishes of luck. Got the call from the producer yesterday that I did not get the part, and was, quite honestly, totally fucking relieved. She paid me lots of lovely compliments on what she had seen at my audition and callback, and really, that’s all this attention whore needs right now. Plenty of time for acting; must focus on nuzzling adorable baby at present.
Speaking of babies, look who had another delicious, delicious son. The happy news of Baby Phineas was followed by the arrival of Baby Tess, daughter of one of my oldest and dearest friends. Babies a-poppin’!
I hope all of you had a lovely 4th of July weekend, like, five days ago. I ate a piece of peach pie AND a piece of graham cracker pie in one sitting, and that’s all I really remember. It was the highlight of the weekend anyway.
See you next week!
Holding…and Release
One of my favorite Saturday Night Live sketches of all time is a completely random one from back in 2003 with Ray Romano. He plays an aging Vegas comedian named Marv “The Spuds” Crackzar, and after every joke he would say “Holding…holding…holding…AND RELEASE.” I usually don’t find Ray Romano too funny, but that little detail was (and is) inordinately amusing to me, and I would really love to share it with you, but because NBC is a bitch, I cannot find a clip of it anywhere, so this tiny picture is all I have to offer:
Sad.
You happy now, bitch NBC?!
PAY IT FORWARD: Fuck You, Kramer
Buckle up, Internet. This isn’t going to be easy.
Also, you might want to go ahead and re-watch any episodes of Seinfeld that you really enjoy, because that show is about to be ruined for you forever.
The Old Folks At Home
As I’ve mentioned before, I went to college in Kentucky, and Internet, I love Kentucky. I love their horses and their bourbon and their people and their hot browns (if ever you find yourself in Lexington, proceed immediately to Ramsey’s).
GET IN MY ARTERIES, SIR.
G’day
Hello, Internet. I hope you’re having a good week, and spent your Father’s Day doing something fatherly like checking the air in your tires or boning your mom.
OK, point taken, Ziggy, you pathetic little pantsless bastard.
GUILT
I has it.
Um, God, I NEEDED THAT SLATE, THANKS.
Also: You best believe I just spent a very entertaining morning on PositiveButterflies.com.
Jive Turkey 